


Itsy Bitsy Spider

by CaptainMoose



Series: Little Spider Verse [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kinda?, Memory Loss, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, as a treat, everything is platonic, patton and janus will just have a lil custody battle, sympathetic everyone, tagging for this is so hard omfg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainMoose/pseuds/CaptainMoose
Summary: Anxiety wakes up in someone else's room. Someone else's life.He just wants to go home.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Little Spider Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073342
Comments: 182
Kudos: 359





	1. Oh No

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon that they picked their names later in life (except for Remus bc he's Remus), so little Virgil is just Anxiety right now. Where exactly does this take place in the new eps? Who knows. Not me. I just wanted a self-indulgent chaotic family fic, so I made it myself
> 
> Teen rating is just because I swear sometimes and y'know...Remus. Enjoy!

_Virgil left them in the middle of the night. He knew exactly which floorboards creaked, and where every single one of Remus’ stupid “security measures” were. (“Security measures” being bizarre, loud traps hidden around their home. Virgil refused to call them booby traps. He’d learned that lesson the hard way)._

_  
He needed to be quiet. Careful. If one of them confronted him, so many things could go horribly wrong. When they fought, they fought dirty._

_  
Fight-or-flight, and he was choosing to flee. He was sure he’d hate himself for it tomorrow-- Hell, he hated himself for it now and he hadn’t even left yet._

_  
When would they notice? Would they even notice? They were always doing their own things now, maybe it’d be a couple days before they realized he was gone. Would they care? They only talked to yell at each other recently. They’d be glad he’s gone, he’s sure. In their last argument, they had basically said so to his face; he was stupid to not have taken the hint._

_  
The door in front of him suddenly seemed just as foreboding and terrifying as it was when he was a kid. No take-backs. If they didn’t completely hate him already, he’d be guaranteeing it by leaving._

_  
Virgil took a deep breath. He opened the door._

* * *

Anxiety wakes up oddly content. When he does manage to sleep, he always wakes up with a clogged head or in a cold sweat. But today, he simply yawns and sits up.

  
Oh.

  
Oh no.

  
Where the hell is he? _Don’t say that_ , Dee’s voice chides in his head, and he rolls his eyes and pushes it away. They can treat him like a little kid all they want, he’s eight. He’s just as grown up as them.

  
Carefully, he pulls the heavy duvet off of him and gets out of the bed. It’s a lot like his room, but there’s more light now. And a lot more purple. Whoever lived here must really love spiders and the color purple.

  
He can agree on the spiders, at least. Through the fear quickly building in his mind, he hopes his pet is okay, wherever she is.

  
Anxiety examines every inch of the room before taking even one step away from the bed. Satisfied that there aren’t any hidden death traps (he grew up with Remus, it’s basically habit), he finally goes to the door and opens it.

  
Oh wow. That’s...very bright. Home is not this bright.

  
Okay, time to panic.

  
Luckily his steps are light, so he doesn’t make much noise while he runs through the hall and down the stairs. He sees colorful doors with names on them, but they’re not his family’s so he ignores them.

  
He sees the figure round the corner, but he’s going too fast to stop before he runs into them head-on. Ow. Great, this is great-

  
“Kiddo? You oka-” A voice starts, then suddenly stops. When Anxiety finally gathers the courage to look up, he sees a guy who would be right at home in the PTA. His eyes are bright blue, and are staring at him like he’s a Christmas puppy. Or the Easter Bunny.

  
Shifting uncomfortably, Anxiety manages to get back on his feet. His hands curl into fists. The man doesn’t look like a threat, but he woke up in a totally different place, so this could be a kidnapper or something. He’s pretty proud when he manages to make his voice steady. “Who are you?”

  
The man opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking like he’s caught in a dilemma. Then his face breaks into the widest smile Anxiety’s ever seen, and he can practically see stars shining behind the glasses. His uneasiness gets ten times stronger. “Roman, Logan-” Who? “-come here!”

  
A few moments pass where Anxiety considers just picking a direction and running. Then there’s two sets of footsteps on the stairs behind him, and he quickly jerks around to face the new people. A teacher-looking guy, and another with a dumb sash and- and...a sword. Oh my god. He’s gonna die here, lost and alone-

  
“...Is that-?”

  
“Emo nightmare?” The one with a sword gasps, the same starry-eyed look being directed at him. Anxiety cringes away.

  
Deep breaths, like Dee taught him. He can’t panic right now. Even if there are three adults surrounding him, staring him down. Totally not reason to panic. Not at all. Dee told him once that if you repeat a lie enough, you think it’s true, and he’s hoping Dee was right.

  
There’s a tense silence between the four of them. All of them are expecting something from him. He just wants to go home, why is he here-

  
“Virgil?” The teacher asks softly, sounding concerned. Who’s Virgil?

  
“I- I just wanna go home,” he manages to choke out, trying to make his voice deep and scary. The first man just squeals happily, so he doesn’t think it worked. “I don’t know why you took me, but please-” Dee says manners are important to get what you want from adults- “please, I wanna go home!”

  
The silence returns, suffocating this time. Anxiety grabs at his throat, worried he’ll stop being able to breathe.

  
“You…you don’t know us, kiddo?” The man’s voice is heartbroken. Why? What is happening? If it was a nightmare, Dee or Rem would’ve woken him up already.

  
“No!” It comes out as a shout, his fear mixing with frustration. He can’t panic. He can’t.

  
There’s a muffled noise from the stairs, and he whirls around again. The one dressed like a prince has a hand over his mouth, like he’s trying not to puke. The face he’s making doesn’t help. Anxiety almost snorts at it before remembering where he is.

  
The teacher one looks like he wants to break down too, but he looks at his two friends and seems to decide something. He locks eyes with Anxiety, and slowly lowers himself. Like he’s handling a wild animal. Fine. Good! He has no idea why they’re acting like this, but it’ll make it a lot easier to escape.

  
“Virg-.... _Anxiety_ ,” the man says carefully.

  
“I want to go home,” he interrupts, making himself as tall as he can and lifting his chin. If he just acts the part, maybe they’ll listen. Wait. He narrows his eyes at all three of them. “How do you know my name?”

  
If his voice shakes, they don’t mention it.

  
“You told us,” the prince says, still looking sick. When did he get rid of his sword?

  
A choked sob from the other side of him makes him turn. The first man is clinging to the cardigan around his neck like a lifeline (which, now that he’s looking, looks like it’s actually a cat onesie?). “You are home!” He sounds like he’s trying so hard not to cry, and failing miserably. “You’re home, here, in the mindscape. It’s me, your happy pappy Patton! Remember?”

  
Anxiety almost feels bad for the dude. When he shakes his head in response, he can’t help wincing at how the crying gets louder. "Sorry, I've never seen you people before."

  
Oh. Mindscape. He said we’re in the mindscape still! If he just calls out to his family, they’ll come-!

  
Before he can think about it, he’s throwing his head back and screaming their names as loud as he can. “Dee! Rem! I’m here! Help! I got taken!”

  
All three of them suddenly look terrified, reaching out as if to grab him. They don’t get near him.

  
Anxiety recognizes the smell of lavender soap and new books- Dee. Dee’s here. Dee will protect him and take him home. He’s so relieved that when he notices how Dee seems to tower over him, he brushes it off as the stress getting to his head.

  
He just wants to go home.


	2. Enter: Snek Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm loving writing this story, so as long as school doesn't kill me, this'll update pretty frequently!

_ There was someone knocking on his door. Quiet enough that he could just ignore it and go back to sleep, pretend he couldn’t hear it. And god, that was tempting- Remus had set the common area on fire again, and Deceit had spent the whole day trying to make the space livable again. Nothing sounded more heavenly than staying in his nest of warm blankets and passing out. _

_ But there was only one side who’d knock on his door in the middle of the night. _

_ Groaning, he reluctantly (and  _ very  _ gracefully) stumbled out of bed. He tried smoothing his hair down on instinct before realizing he was in pajamas so there was no point in keeping up appearances. Sure enough, he opened the door to a groggy Anxiety. “Can’t sleep?” he drawled, silently moving out of the doorway so the smaller side could enter.  _

_ Anxiety scowled up at him as he walked past, but Deceit just smirked back. Anxiety’s glares held all the bite of a newborn puppy.  _

_ “Nope,” Anxiety bit out, slowly sitting on the edge of the bed. Deceit noticed he wasn’t even trying to hide his fidgeting from him. He must be exhausted.  _

_ “And what am I supposed to do about that?” The snake hummed, already having closed the door and now subtly tidying up the room. Messiness only worsened Anxiety’s….well, anxiety.  _

_ All he got in response was an eyeroll and a huff.  _

_ Satisfied that his room wouldn’t trigger his friend’s nerves, Deceit moved to face the side hunched over on his bed. “What was it this time, little spider?” He murmured, making sure that only a little bit of fondness slipped into his voice. Enough to reassure Anxiety, but not enough to make him uncomfortable.  _

_ The puppy-looking scowl was back on the other’s face. Deceit laughed despite himself. Anxiety may  _ technically _ be the same age as all of them, but he was the newest side and thus ‘the baby’ according to him and Remus. Anxiety  _ hated  _ it. Deceit and Remus absolutely loved it. _

_ “Not little,” he spat at the snake, but it really didn’t have much venom when said in the voice of a tiny, scared ten year-old.  _

_ Deceit stood over him and mockingly patted him on the head, which he got shoved away for. He moved to mess up Anxiety’s hair and got hissed at, startling a laugh out of him. Smugly, Deceit hissed back, and his friend’s nose scrunched up in indignant fury. Anxiety’s hiss sounded like an angry kitten by comparison, and they both knew it. Quickly they ended up half-assedly rough-housing, a mix of playful hisses and the kind of laughter that only happens when you haven’t slept in days.  _

_ He had no idea how long it took to wear Anxiety out, but eventually he managed it. The small side yawned and dragged Deceit by the sleeve to lay down in the blankets with him. Once they were both lying down, Anxiety curled up by his side, very carefully avoiding touching him but still close enough to feel warm. Deceit pulled the biggest, heaviest blanket over him, knowing it helped him calm down.  _

_ Anxiety really did feel so small, laying next to him like this. Deceit could feel his shallow, quick breaths on his scales, and then a hand reaching out to grab at his pajama shirt.  _

_ He didn’t miss the fact that Anxiety avoided answering his question.  _

_ He didn’t sleep much that night.  _

* * *

Virgil hasn’t willingly talked to him since he left (a truth that Deceit is loath to admit even to himself)- so, when he feels the side calling for him, he’s justifiably alarmed. Especially since the call is so desperate and afraid that it’s almost deafening. Ignoring Remus’ inquisitive gaze, he sinks out without wasting another moment. 

Virgil would never call for him, not anymore. Many possible explanations pop into his head, but he quickly shoves them down. He can't afford panicking right now. Not when Virgil is. 

He rises up in the Light sides’ living room, barely stopping himself from stumbling. God, that’s disorienting. How do they do that all the time?

Behind him, he can hear shaky, heavy breathing, and a hand quickly grabs onto his capelet. Ah, there’s Virgil, then. The other three sides are in front of him, and Janus is briefly soothed now that he knows he’s between Virgil and the others. But then Morality starts outright bawling, and the other two are holding the bannister like it’s the only thing keeping them up, and the grip on his capelet becomes a vice. A plea for help. 

What the hell happened to all of them? Apparently it was bad enough to make Morality openly cry his eyes out. Bad enough to mortify both Logic and Roman. Bad enough that  _ Virgil called for him _ .

“Well,” he starts, trying to muster up his usual bravado despite how lost he feels in this situation. “I can see you all are having a  _ lovely  _ morning. Sleep well?”

Logic’s face twists into anger, but the hand at his back relaxes its grip, so Janus considers it a win. 

“Did-did you have something to do with this, you slippery fiend?” Roman shouts. Janus can hear the panic in his voice much louder than he can hear the anger. He and Remus really are very similar- they both think yelling makes it harder to know what they’re feeling. The prince’s sword manifests in his hand, but he doesn’t actually raise it. 

The snake raises one eyebrow, staring Roman down with a perfectly blank expression. Regardless of whatever happened, Janus doesn’t appreciate the bumbling fool pitching a fit while Virgil panics just five feet away. “Did I have something to do with  _ what _ ?” 

Roman scoffs and makes a gesture with his sword, which definitely helps clear everything up. What would Deceit do without these three and their ever-so insightful input?

“Deceit?” Morality asks, barely any louder than a whisper. When Janus looks over at him, he can’t resist wincing. So much... _ messy emotion _ .

“Morality?”

“Please. I-I dunno what you did, but  _ please  _ just turn him back?”

Janus furrows his brows, finally getting fed up with being out of the loop. “Oh, I’d  _ love to _ , Morality, but sadly I  _ have no idea what any of you are talking about _ !”

The prince does raise his sword this time, with murder in his eyes. Logic grabs his arm before he can move, quickly whispering something in Roman’s ear that makes him reluctantly lower the sword. Normally Janus would thank Logic for that, but right now he has no idea whose fault this is, and he’s suspicious of every one of them. Guilty until proven innocent. 

How ironic.

Logic seemingly tries to gather himself while still keeping an arm on Roman’s shoulder. It’s unclear whether it’s to hold Roman back or hold Logic up; both possibilities seem equally likely. Finally, the side straightens up and adjusts his tie, clearly preparing to address the group.

But a soft voice pipes up from behind Deceit, startling all of them into silence. “Dee?”

That….no. That can’t...that can’t be what he thinks it is. He’s hearing things. Stupid sentiment interfering with his reasoning again. That’s all it is. 

But Virgil can’t make his voice that high anymore even if he tried, and Remus wouldn’t pull a trick like this. Janus clenches his gloved hands into fists, just for a second, and then releases them. And then he turns around. 

_ God. My God. _

Virgil, so small, and young, and looking up at Janus like he knows all the secrets of the universe. No eyeshadow yet. No purple hoodie. 

Virgil, before any of the Light sides ever laid eyes on him.

Janus successfully keeps his eyes from tearing up, but he doesn’t manage to stop himself from dropping to his knees. One of his hands reaches up slightly, as if to comfort the kid in front of him, but pauses in the air. Hesitant. Afraid. 

Just as hesitantly, Virgil steps closer to Deceit, silent permission to touch. “....Dee? ‘S that you?”

Janus’ face breaks into a smile without his permission. “Hello, little spider.”

The suspicion leaves Virgil’s eyes, and the kid rockets himself into Janus’ arms. Immediately, he has one set of arms holding the little side tightly, like he’ll turn to dust, and another set carding through his hair. “Why’re you so  _ old _ ?” He hears Virgil mumble, muffled by Deceit’s shirt, and he can’t help but laugh. A loud,  _ genuine  _ laugh. How long has it been since he genuinely laughed?  _ Too long. It’s been too long without you, little spider. _

“Why are you so  _ young _ ?” He shoots back easily. Virgil’s pout is practically visible, but in the end the only response Janus gets is a dramatic huff. Had his heart always melted so easily for Anxiety? Or is he getting softer in his old age?

It doesn’t matter.

For now, Virgil seems content to be cuddled half to death. He doesn’t hate Janus. He doesn’t even distrust him. Deceit’s not one to believe in the supernatural by any means, but right now he silently sends his thanks out, just in case somebody can hear it. If someone gave him this second chance, he owes them everything. He can fix things now, by making sure they never break in the first place.

His little spider is safe in his arms, and he’s not letting him go again. 


	3. Anxiety is a Feral Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety's adorable! He's also a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and sweet comments!! I could barely focus in class today because I was so happy! <3
> 
> I was gonna wait to post this chapter, but I really wanted to share that haha. Hope you enjoy!

_ Virgil let the door slam shut behind him, then leaned back on the old wood and groaned. Why did they all have to be so  _ infuriating _? He was trying to keep them all from dying, and what does he get in return? Jack shit.  _

_ He told himself he didn’t need their approval. Sure, it would be great to not be blamed for everything that goes wrong, and when Patton smiled at him it made him oddly hopeful. But he didn’t need it. He didn’t.  _

_ “Welcome back, Virgil. Looks like the meeting went swimmingly.” _

_ Virgil scoffed and pushed himself away from the door separating their home from the Light sides’. Janus was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, seemingly enjoying a calm afternoon. But Virgil knew better. The couch had a clear view of the door he’d just come out of.  _

_ Instead of responding, Virgil walked into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Did he only really drink it to spite Janus’ pretentious love for tea? Yes, absolutely. But it did keep him awake when all he wanted to do was sleep for a month.  _

_ “That bad, hm?” Janus’ voice called out. He wanted to just ignore him again, but he could detect the undertone of concern and suddenly felt guilty.  _

_ “It was fine,” he mumbled, trying to make himself believe it so Janus wouldn’t call him out on the lie. He heard a deep sigh from the other room, and then footsteps coming closer. He stubbornly kept his eyes on the coffee maker.  _

_ “Virgil,” the snake said, and Virgil had to force himself not to flinch because he was right behind him and he had that tone that meant they were going to disagree- “Their silly little meetings are clearly making you  _ so very  _ happy, but may I suggest you stop wasting your time?” _

_ “You may not.” _

_ He could hear Janus’ eye roll. “Very funny, dear.” _

_ “Thanks, I try.” The coffee finished, and Virgil didn’t bother waiting for it to cool off before drinking it. Janus made a disapproving sound behind him, but didn’t actually say anything about it.  _

_ That wasn’t a good sign. It meant he was more focused on a bigger problem.  _

_ He took a huge gulp of his (still scalding) coffee before turning around, steeling himself for an argument.  _

* * *

Dee’s really old, which is  _ really weird _ , because does that mean Remus is too? And if they’re both old, why’s he  _ not _ ? Is this another one of Rem's “pranks”? If it is, Anxiety’s gonna kill him when they get home. 

Everything’s weird, so he’s confused. So he’s scared. So he should be panicking. 

But Dee’s hug is like being wrapped in a nest of weighted blankets, and it makes Anxiety feel weirdly safe. Safety is a rare feeling for him; he decides to just enjoy it while it lasts. Besides, Dee’s wearing this weird cape thing now, which is really funny. He’s totally gonna make fun of it later. 

And Dee seems a little scared too, so Anxiety’s willing to let him hold him if it’ll make him feel better. 

“Deceit.”

They both jolt at the sound. He completely forgot about the three strangers! Wow, he’s being really bad at his job right now. Dee holds him closer, and Anxiety buries his face in his shirt, knowing what Dee's trying to say:  _ I’ll take care of it for you _ . 

“Yes, Logic?” There’s so much ice in his voice now that it startles Anxiety. It was so soft just a second ago. Weirdly soft, actually, for Dee.

Everything’s so weird. Anxiety’s hand curls into a fist, bunching up the dumb cape thingy.

“It is clear that you are not the cause of this predicament,” the teacher guy, Logic, begins. Above him, Dee scoffs. “Nonetheless, it would be very conducive to finding a solution if you were to release Virgil now.”

Both of them tighten their grip on each other. 

“I don’t think I will, actually,” Dee says loftily. It sounds out of place in the conversation.

“ _ What?!”  _

Anxiety flinches at the prince’s loud shout. He can almost feel the anger radiating from Dee. “I may be wrong, but I do believe it would be very  _ conducive _ to Anxiety’s wellbeing if you would stop  _ yelling _ ,” the snake hisses. One of his gloved hands moves from Anxiety’s back to massage his shoulder, which he hadn’t even realized was tense. 

Safety is very nice, but Anxiety is less hysterical now that he’s not alone, and he wants to know what’s happening. He pushes away just enough to pop his head up.

Wow. “You guys still look like shit,” he blurts out, peering over Dee’s shoulder at the three miserable-looking strangers. A second later he realizes he said it out loud and quickly tries to cover his mouth, but it’s too late.

Dee draws back from their embrace, four hands on his shoulders to keep him in place. He’s got  _ that look _ on his face. Anxiety’s already rolling his eyes back far into his head. “Now, no using that sort of language,” he scolds. “And stop doing that, you’ll damage your eyes.”

“Ughhhh,” Anxiety groans, “Stop talking like that! I’m the same age as both of you!”

The banter freezes for a moment. A look of horror grows on Anxiety’s face, and a look of delight lights up Deceit’s. 

_ Fuck _ , Rem’s voice snickers in his head. Fuck, Anxiety agrees. 

“No,” the little side frantically says before Dee can say anything. “No,  _ no _ , this isn’t fair--”

“Life rarely is, little spider.” He’s not actually mocking him, but Anxiety can  _ hear  _ the smugness in his voice. 

“ _ Hey, stop-” _

“Stop what, little spider?”

Anxiety shoots him the dirtiest look he can.

His menacing glower probably just looks like a pout, but it’s not  _ his fault  _ he’s eight, and he won’t let Dee make fun of him without putting up a fight first. Dee sighs, looking down at him with fake disappointment. “You should show more respect to your elders.”

Anxiety bites the hand closest to his face without hesitation.

Deceit yanks his hand back with a yelp, and Anxiety’s able to shake off two of his other ones. He thinks he hears the PTA dad gasp somewhere in front of them, but right now he’s too proud of himself to care what other people think. 

For a solid ten seconds, they stare each other down-- Deceit with betrayal, and Anxiety with satisfaction. Then the snake grins down at him (with...is that pride?), letting his fangs show. “Good job, my little stormcloud!” 

Anxiety’s caught off guard by the praise. So caught off guard, in fact, that he doesn’t get away in time to escape all six arms grabbing him. There’s one hand messing up his hair, and the other five are wrapped around him to keep him from squirming away. He tries to struggle out of Dee’s arms (and really it’s unfair that he has so many), but it’s too hard to keep the laughter in and soon he’s dead weight on Dee’s lap, helplessly giggling. 

He doesn’t miss the look on Dee’s face: so happy, but also so,  _ so  _ sad. Anxiety doesn’t like the sad part. Thinking quickly, the little side bares his teeth and growls; it used to make Dee and Rem burst out laughing all the time. 

Dee looks shocked for a moment, and then his face melts into pure affection. It’s such a sappy look that Anxiety has to stop his face from scrunching up. He wants to tease him so badly for it, but...well. 

Anxiety can put up with this as long as it keeps the sadness out of his face. 

“Terrifying, aren’t you?” Dee murmurs, gently smoothing down Anxiety’s hair even though he was the one who _just_ messed it up. Dee always did do weird things. Anxiety gave up trying to figure him out when they were six. 

“I  _ am _ !”

“That’s what I said, dear. No need to be argumentative.”

Anxiety sticks his tongue out at him, no longer caring about acting mature. It clearly doesn’t matter to Dee anyways. He’s doomed to be babied forever. A fate worse than death.

Dee’s mouth twitches, like when he’s trying really hard not to smile but can’t do it. 

Everything’s so weird, but he thinks he’ll be okay. Dee’s really old and somehow even weirder, but he’s still  _ him _ . That’s good enough for Anxiety. 

Someone clears their throat from the other side of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like everyone to know my gf read this and thought Deceit grew more arms through the Power Of Fatherhood. That is all, thank you


	4. The Exposition's Almost Done, I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick look at the other side of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the kindness! <3 My creativity is pretty active right now, so I'm writing these chapters really quickly. I'm curious if I should post each chapter after it's finished, or update this weekly so it's more spaced out for readers. Any feedback would be appreciated :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Logan sighed for the fourth time in the past half-hour. All they needed to do was write one, just  _ one  _ more page of the script. It was such a simple task. But Patton wanted a happier ending, and Roman insisted he needed more time to perfect the concept. So they’ve been standing here arguing instead of doing anything remotely productive. _

_ “It’s one page-” he said for the tenth time, trying not to let his annoyance get the best of him.  _

_ “But Logannnn,” Patton whined, “it’s the saddest part! Can’t we rethink the plot?” _

_ “My plot is not too sad, padre. But! Sadly, ‘tis not perfect either. The masterpiece needs more time to fully capture my vision-” _

_ “Oooh, Roman, Roman, if you write new scenes can you write one where the dog talks to Eric? He could be a helpful lil’ pal!” _

_ “Or here’s an idea:  _ **_just get on with the damn project already_ ** _.” _

_ All three of them turned to stare at the newcomer. Interesting. Logan had never seen this side before, but he could guess what their purpose was just by examining them. All-black clothes, including an oversized jacket with the hood pulled up. Hunched over on the stairs, hands shoved into his pockets. The hood obscured most of his face, but Logan thought he could see some kind of dark makeup.  _

_ None of them talked for ten seconds, the stranger beginning to fidget the longer the silence went on. Then Patton’s brain caught up with what he said. “Language!” He scolded, holding up a finger like he was talking to a misbehaving child.  _

_ The stranger froze for a second, but immediately went back to fidgeting with his hands. “What are you, my dad?” he scoffed. His voice was deeper than theirs, and rough, like he didn’t use it very much.  _

_ Patton looked affronted. “Yes! Yes I am!” _

_ “I...what?” _

_ Luckily Roman interrupted in his typical melodramatic fashion, sparing them all from whatever joke Patton was about to make. “Who are you?”  _

_ The stranger visibly flinched. Roman wasn’t being openly aggressive, but his voice was clearly an accusation of sorts. And he had the sword out now. In the end, the dark-clad side just shrugged and hunched further in on himself.  _

_ Roman narrowed his eyes. “Only villains disguise themselves.” _

_ That actually got the figure on the stairs to laugh. It was sharp and grating, and Logan noticed Patton wince in the corner of his eye. “Dee wasn’t lying about you being an overdramatic bitch. Good to know.” _

_ Ah. So he was...one of  _ them _. Of course, Logan should have assumed so. _

_ He counted to five in his head, and then Patton gasped. Roman’s scowl had turned to actual anger, and Logan could see his grip on the sword tighten so much that his knuckles turned white. Logan decided to quickly intervene before a fight broke out. “Why are you here?” he asked. Simple and straight to the point. _

_ The stranger paused, seemingly thinking it over. “I’m here to protect us,” he finally said. Roman snorted, and the next time the stranger spoke it had a dangerous edge to it. “I’m here to make sure you guys  _ **_don’t fuck up, Princey_ ** _.” The nickname was spat out like an insult. _

_ Roman definitely took it as one, too. He opened his mouth, undoubtedly to say something to ‘defend their honor’, but the stranger cut him off. _

_ “We gave ourselves a deadline. If we don’t meet it, we’re failing not only ourselves but everyone else. Do you want to be a disappointment? I sure as hell don’t. So  _ **_do. the. damn. script._ ** _ ” _

_ And then the stairs were empty again. _

* * *

Watching the scene unfold before them is certainly...strange, to say the least. Logan’s sure the others would agree with him on this. Their Virgil had held nothing but resentment for the liar, and the hatred always seemed mutual. The rare times they did interact, they only communicated in scathing insults. 

To see any version of Virgil, regardless of age,  _ willingly  _ summon Deceit is enough of a shock on its own. The way they interact is even more unnatural. If Logan didn’t know better, he might say it’s familial. 

He can tell the others agree. Roman has his jaw clenched, glaring at Deceit. Logan can tell he’s just waiting for the two to separate so he can draw his sword out without traumatizing the child. Patton’s no better, face pale and his hands twitching as if to snatch Virgil from Deceit’s arms. Which would be quite a difficult task, considering how many arms the snake has. 

Logan hopes his unease is not as apparent. 

He tries to stay out of it so as to not distress Virgil, he really does. After all, this Virgil seems to think he’s been kidnapped by them, and despite their own beliefs, he seems happy to be near Deceit. But it just doesn’t  _ make any sense _ , and it’s frustrating him. Virgil and Deceit hate each other. When they met Virgil, he was in a much worse mental state than he is now. By all means, the logical conclusion is that his life with the dark sides was unhappy at best, and thus Virgil should not be with Deceit again in this regressed state. 

He clears his throat. 

They both turn to him with varying degrees of anger. Deceit looks annoyed to have been reminded of their presence, and Virgil just looks like ‘a deer in the headlights’.  _ Their  _ Virgil had taught that one to him last week. Logan pushes down the painful feeling in his chest; he is Logic, he reminds himself. He does not succumb to such things. 

“Deceit.” He states, making his voice more demanding this time. “Release Virgil.”

Deceit’s face twitches before settling into a smirk. “Oh of course. I’ll get right on that.”

He pulls Virgil closer. 

Roman and Patton both take a step towards the pair, protective in two very different ways. Roman looks ready to stab the snake, and Patton is sniffling. 

The cocky smirk drops off of Deceit’s face. 

Patton opens his arms, forcing a watery smile. When he talks, it’s clear he’s directing it at the small side, who’s peeking out from Deceit’s arms and watching them carefully. “Come here, kiddo, we don’t bite!” Virgil just squints at him. Patton falters. “I’ll whip you up some pancakes, yeah? We have chocolate chips! And syrup!”

Virgil blinks, and then hides himself in Deceit’s arms again, whispering something to the liar that makes him glare at Patton. 

“We’ll be taking our leave now, Morality. It’s been  _ such a pleasure  _ visiting you all.  _ Talk again soon~! _ ”

And then they’re simply...gone. 

The three of them stand in shock for a few moments before everything falls apart. Roman lets out an angry yell that Patton doesn’t even react to. As the prince storms to the door to the dark side (which is locked now, they all already know that), Patton silently stares at the spot where Virgil was with tears falling down his face. When Roman comes back he’s even more furious, kicking random furniture. Patton still doesn’t react. Then Patton sinks out to his room, and Roman and Logan are left alone with one thought on their minds. 

_ He took Virgil.  _


	5. Anxiety is also a Problem Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the love, it means so much to me! <3
> 
> Exposition's finally over! Now I get to write whatever chaotic family moments I want :)

_ Anxiety stumbled a bit as the other boy pulled him along by the sleeve. The boy stopped and turned to him. Anxiety flinched. He was gonna get mad at him for being so clumsy, slowing them down- _

_ “Was I walking too fast?” _

_ Anxiety blinked up at him, startled. He sounded...genuine. He wasn’t mad? At all? The fact that half of the boy’s face was covered in scales should probably be scary to the literal embodiment of fear, but right now all he could see was the worry.  _

_ “Hellooo,” the boy sang, waving his hand in front of Anxiety’s face. Anxiety noticed his left hand had scales on it too. “Anyone home?” _

_ “Y-yeah, sorry,” he mumbled to the floor, shuffling in place.  _

_ “You okay?” _

_ “...Yeah.” _

_ “Liar.” _

_ Anxiety jerked his head up, startled at the sudden accusation. Oh no, did he actually mess up this time? The boy was nice enough to not be mad at him for stumbling, and he just had to go and be rude- _

_ “Hey.” The boy put one hand under Anxiety’s chin so he’d look up. “I’m just teasing, you’re fine.” He paused. Hesitated. “I’m Deceit.” _

_ “...I’m Anxiety, I think. Why don’t we have normal names?” _

_ “Hi, Anxiety. None of us do except Roman and Remus, because they think they’re special.” Seeing the confusion on Anxiety’s face, he smiled and tugged on his sleeve again to lead him down the hall. “You’ll meet Remus soon. He lives down here with us.” _

_ “Down here?” _

_ “Yeah,” Deceit replied, not elaborating as he brought them to an area that looked like a living room. “Ta-da! Home sweet home.” _

_ Anxiety heard bitterness in his voice, but chose not to say anything. It was none of his business, and Deceit confused him too much already anyways. The boy said he was six, like him, but he acted like he knew everything. And when he’d spotted Anxiety, he’d looked like he found a puppy. All of his life so far had just been...really weird.  _

_ “So….” he started awkwardly. “Where’s Remu-” _

_ The wind got knocked out of him, something heavy running into him from behind and making them both topple to the ground. _

* * *

Normally going from one place to another makes Anxiety dizzy and scared, but with Dee still holding him, he feels okay when they rise up in the living room. 

Their living room! Anxiety perks up, eagerly looking around. There’s definitely things that are different, but mostly it looks like he remembers. He even spots his and Rem’s initials carved into the wood of the TV stand. Dee was sooooo mad about that.

“See something, little spider?” Dee laughs, clearly finding his reaction funny. Anxiety sticks his tongue out at him. He’s satisfied that their home’s not too different, at least. 

“Jan, you’re back! What’d those dorks wan-”

Anxiety turns so fast that he’d fall over if Dee didn’t have him in a death grip. The man who just entered is similarly shocked, staring at the two of them blankly for a really long time. Long enough that Anxiety starts to tug on Dee’s cape thingy nervously. He’d assumed based on the light hair streak, but maybe he’s wrong and Remus is gone and this is a total stranger who will hate him— 

“Vee?”

Or maybe it’s actually just Remus. Anxiety isn’t even worrying about him being old right now, or the fact that he called him a name he doesn’t recognize; he’s too relieved by the familiar voice. He shoots him a grin. “Ree!” he cheers, throwing his arms up in the air. Dee laughs. 

It’s like a switch flips in Rem’s brain-- he’s in front of them in the next heartbeat, grinning like a maniac, bouncing up and down on his toes. If it were anyone else Anxiety would be terrified, but he's learned this is just what Rem’s like when he’s really, really happy. He’s poking at Anxiety like he’s checking if he’s real, and the little side giggles at it, which makes Rem’s eyes light up even more. 

Rem freezes suddenly, staring up at Dee almost pleadingly. Dee grins at him and nods, and that kicks him back into excitement. Anxiety’s lost, and he  _ hates  _ not knowing what’s going on. It means so many things could be wrong.

“How’d you get here? What happened to you? Did Roman shrink you? I bet it was him. Ooooh Daddy Patton must be  _ sooo  _ sad right now, he’s probably crying his eyes out. Do you think you could actually cry your eyes out? D’you remember--” his absentminded rambling is cut short when Dee makes him slap his own hand over his mouth. 

“Please don’t overwhelm him, Remus. He just returned home.” Dee’s voice is still super overly affectionate, but for some reason Rem doesn’t even react. He just shakes back and forth to make up for not being able to talk. It reminds Anxiety of those inflatable things in front of car stores, and he snickers to himself. 

Dee releases his hold on Rem, smiling down at Anxiety and using one of his free hands to ruffle his hair. Anxiety scrunches up his face, and tries to squirm out of his arms even though it hasn’t worked so far. This time though, Rem makes grabby hands at him. Anxiety’s shocked that Dee actually lets go so Rem can snatch him up, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it because then Rem’s swinging him around in circles. 

Anxiety shrieks with laughter, knowing Rem will just make something soft on the ground if he falls. But quickly the spinning starts making him dizzy, so he taps on Rem’s arm twice, their signal for time-out. He immediately stops. Anxiety smiles up at him thankfully, and Rem returns it with another manic grin. When he looks over at Dee again, he’s got the soft smile he had before, times ten. 

Rem has the same sadness in his face that Dee has, though. They can baby him all they want, he’s not  _ dumb _ . And he’s gotta make the sadness go away for them. 

Filled with a new determination, Anxiety pushes himself out of Rem’s arms (and there are, in fact, fluffy pillows on the ground when he lands). He can tell they’re both staring at him, but he ignores them to focus on his mission. They’re clearly not gonna tell him what’s happening, so he’s gotta do some investigating, like those books Dee read to him at night. Those always had a murder in them. Anxiety really hopes he’s not gonna discover a murder. 

He starts at the couch, cautiously going through the pillows. Rem had a tendency to hide gross stuff in places like that, and Anxiety really doesn’t wanna touch something slimy because then he’ll be worried about it all day. And all of tomorrow. 

Nothing’s in the pillows, so he moves to the TV stand, where he’s excited to see the same movies he remembers. There’s some new ones on the shelf, but they look like boring adult movies. He rifles through the bottom shelf instead, which they used as a place to put random things. Sure enough, he finds a decapitated rubber duck, some torn-up papers, a lasso (or noose?) made of paperclips, and dirty old gloves. But nothing to help his family. 

He spots the big bookshelf in the corner, which he never really cared about because Dee filled it with a bunch of books about weird, complicated things. When Anxiety wouldn’t go to sleep, he used to read from them and Anxiety would be passed out in ten minutes. Overthinking is his job; he doesn’t know why Dee does it for  _ fun _ .

The books at his eye level don't reveal any suspicious letters or hidden doorways. Frustrated, the tiny side looks up and considers the height. It’s scary but...he’s more scared of not knowing what’s wrong with his family. And Dee always used to hide the books he didn’t want Anxiety to read on the top shelf, so there’s bound to be secrets up there. Mind made up, he takes a deep breath and makes himself start climbing.

He only gets to the fourth shelf before he gets pulled from the bookshelf, into a very familiar set of arms that are holding him so tight he feels like he can’t breathe for a second. Oh, right...he forgot they were still in the room. Shit. 

“ _ What do you think you’re doing?”  _ Dee’s voice is really angry, like when he found the initials on the TV stand, but it’s so different. Anxiety would say ‘scared’, but Dee’s  _ never  _ scared. He used to barely even react when Remus jumped at him. Dee never admitted to thinking being scared was weak, probably to be nice, but Anxiety knew. 

A few steps behind Dee is Rem, his face a mix of confused and shocked. Both of those are really hard emotions to get from Remus. 

“ _ Stormcloud,”  _ Dee says, quieter but just as firm. Anxiety cautiously looks up at him, but he’s switching between so many emotions that Anxiety can’t tell what any of them are. When their eyes meet, Dee softens just a little, using one of his hands to pet Anxiety’s hair. “There you are. Now,” ugh, he’s got  _ that look  _ again but it’s  _ so much more intense _ somehow-- “what were you thinking when you tried to climb the bookshelf, hm? Surely you realize how dangerous that is?”

Anxiety glares at him indignantly. “Rem does  _ way  _ more dangerous stuff  _ all the time _ !”

Dee raises an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. “Remus is an adult, I’m not going to stop him from doing whatever it is he does. You, however, are what, seven? Eight?”

“ _ Eight _ .”

“Eight.  _ You _ , I can and will stop from doing dangerous things.”

Rem starts cackling, and Anxiety turns to glower at him with all the rage his little heart has. It makes him start laughing even harder. This is hell. This is Anxiety’s personal hell, and somehow he got trapped here. 

“All I did was climb a few feet, Rem literally tries to  _ blow himself up _ \--”

“He’s a grown man, he can blow himself up if he wants. As for climbing, you don’t realize how tiny you are. Falling even a few feet could hurt you  _ very badly _ . Not to mention the bookshelf could fall on top of you, which I’m  _ sure  _ you can imagine would be quite painful.”

Anxiety wants to scream or stomp but he can barely move in Dee’s hold. “That’s not  _ fair _ ,” he complains, redirecting his rage at the side holding him. It’s almost worse than Rem’s laughter when Dee’s only reaction is raised eyebrows. 

“Yes, of course, your life’s  _ so very _ unfair, dear. Why did you even want to climb the shelf? That’s unlike you, little spider.”

He pauses in his efforts to bite Dee again. He can’t tell them, can he? No, he’s looking for secrets, and if they know then they’ll make sure to hide them even better. But it’s stupid to try to lie to Dee’s face, and maybe he’ll get in more trouble if he does that. 

Anxiety shrugs, looking away at the wall.

Dee stares at him, clearly not buying it, but Rem starts rambling again and Dee turns to say something to him. Anxiety hopes his sigh of relief isn’t too obvious. 

He hates keeping secrets, especially from them. Especially from  _ Dee _ . 

But...it’s not his fault they never tell him anything. 


	6. Dadceit strikes again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus makes a couple questionable decisions, Anxiety just needs a nap, and Remus might be having a crisis but we're not worrying about that right now.

_ Janus had no idea how long he’d been standing there staring at the empty wall, but it must have been way too long because Remus actually got worried and pulled him away.  _

_ Virgil’s door was gone. It was just...a hallway that led to a dead end. Janus didn’t think it was even  _ possible  _ for a room to move.  _

_ Remus was trying to get him to sit down on the couch, throwing blankets on him and looking a little too close to terror for Janus’ liking. And god, if that didn’t make everything more surreal. He hadn’t looked like that since the Split.  _

_ Virgil hadn’t even been around back then. Janus couldn’t imagine that anymore. Would he be forced to live it? If Virgil’s room was gone, then….Janus cut off his train of thought. He couldn’t be. He wouldn’t. They had their differences, but surely they hadn’t driven him away?  _

_ He wasn’t gone. He’d come back. _

_ For the first time, Janus wished it wasn’t so damn easy for him to lie.  _

_ He had no idea how long he waited for Virgil to return. He only remembered the anger. _

* * *

Virgil’s adorable. Or rather, Anxiety’s adorable. Janus recalls they hadn’t picked their names until they were thirteen, so the kid won’t know yet. He’ll have to be told soon, if only to spare them all the confusion. But for now, Janus refuses to entertain any of Anxiety’s questions; the poor thing’s frustrated, he can tell, but he’s still afraid that all of this is a cruel trick. For now, he’s going to just let himself be happy. He’s never claimed to be selfless, so sue him.

Remus has put their little spider on the kitchen counter, rifling through the cupboards. Janus knows he’ll have to intervene. Remus won’t end up giving Anxiety anything edible, no matter how hard he’s clearly trying to. 

Anxiety is sitting patiently, kicking his legs to a rhythm only he can hear and watching Remus’ rather entertaining attempts at figuring out what actual food is. Janus smiles to himself, taking a moment to relish the warmth in his chest. He’s painfully aware of how soft he’s acting, but he can’t bring himself to care. This is more than he ever could have dreamed. 

“Ta-da! Bone appendicitis!” Predictably, Remus ends up serving up a plate of raw turkey slices, looking quite pleased with himself. Anxiety turns to Janus with a pleading look, and without even thinking about it, he snaps his fingers. The turkey is replaced with warm mac n’ cheese. It used to be one of Virgil’s favorites, Janus remembers distantly.

The replacement is well worth the glare Remus throws his way. Anxiety lights up, beaming gratefully at Janus before hopping off the counter to sit at the table. He has to stop himself from melting right then and there. At least  _ some  _ of his dignity should still be intact by the end of today. 

The kid wolfs the food down, then immediately yawns. When Remus sits on the table and starts babbling about mummification, Anxiety just nods along, clearly only half-aware of the words. God, Janus doesn’t know enough about children. Do eight year-olds still need naps? Is he supposed to be getting more nutrition? They’ll have to start stocking up on real food. Anxiety yawns again only ten seconds later, and Janus decides a nap couldn’t possibly  _ hurt _ . And if it happens to be a convenient excuse to scoop his little spider back into his arms, nobody can prove it.

Remus pouts when Anxiety gets picked up. “We were  _ bonding _ !” he complains, and Janus is a bit surprised to see that he genuinely looks sad. 

Nevertheless, Anxiety needs rest. “You can bond later,” he deadpans, which just makes Remus throw himself backwards and start lamenting his woes. Tuning him out, the snake looks down at Anxiety and softens his voice considerably. “Time for sleep, stormcloud.”

Anxiety glares up at him, which is already cute, and then he yawns too. Janus has no idea how the tiny side thinks he’s at all threatening. “But ‘m not tired, Dee. It’s like, noon.”

“A quick nap, that’s all. You’ve had such a long day, haven’t you?”

Anxiety huffs, but instead of arguing he just cuddles up to Deceit, rubbing his eyes. Poor thing must truly be exhausted if he’s not even being a pain in the ass. Smiling fondly, Janus moves towards the hallway with his room in--

Oh. No, his room’s not there. It hasn’t been for a very long time.

He looks back at Remus, who curiously enough seems to immediately know what Janus is asking him. The duke jumps off the table and swipes Anxiety from his arms, effectively waking the kid up a little. “How’d ya like to make a room, Vee?” he asks, holding Anxiety out in the air like a misbehaving cat. It’s very much appreciated that Remus suppresses the sadness in his voice so Anxiety won’t hear it. 

“Wha’?” Anxiety mumbles, upset at being moved. “Why would I need to make a room? I have a room, Rem.”

Remus bites his lip, hard enough to draw blood, and then turns to Janus. “Ok, your turn, Jan!”

Janus rolls his eyes. Anxiety’s looking at him with confusion now, and he sighs. “Your room...disappeared. You’ll need to make a new one, little spider.”

Anxiety blinks at him. Janus can practically see the gears turning behind his eyes, all the questions building up inside his head. “It...dis’ppeared?” he finally asks, his voice small. 

“Yes, dear.”

“H-how?”

Janus is glad he’s perfected the art of lying. He never thought it would all be leading to raising a child version of Virgil, but oh well. Life does what it will. “I’m afraid we don’t know. But it’s alright, Remus can make you a new one and you can do whatever you’d like with it,” he soothed.

He’s alarmed when Anxiety starts tearing up. “Where’s Charlotte?” 

Ah. The literal spider. Janus honestly forgot Virgil had that still. 

Shit, they’ll have to go to Virgil’s existing room to get her. Which means going to the light side. He and Remus exchange a look, and Janus knows what he’ll have to do. The  _ trouble  _ this kid has already caused in less than an hour is astounding, truly.

“Charlotte is hiding somewhere, you’ll find her tomorrow I’m sure. Now, let’s get you a room.” He takes Anxiety back, who’s outright scowling now at being passed around. Janus keeps his amusement to himself. He doubts he or Remus is ever going to stop picking him up now that he’s here; it’s proof that he’s real, and that he’s theirs again. 

Motioning for Remus to follow, he steels himself and walks to the empty hallway in the far end of their home. He hasn’t been here since those first few days of staring at a blank wall waiting for something that would never happen. Since he had to drag Remus away from it during a particularly bad episode. 

Annoyed at the memories, Janus shakes his head and keeps walking. They don't matter now. The hallway won’t be empty anymore in a few moments, and everything will be fine.

His little spider is in his arms, trusting Janus to take care of him. He won’t fail him this time. 

Remus wordlessly creates a door at the end of the hallway, and Janus has to admit he’s impressed. If his memory serves him correctly, the new door looks exactly like Anxiety’s would have at age eight. Considering Anxiety instantly brightens at the sight, he’s guessing he’s right. He would have to bring it up with Remus later.

The room itself is pretty much a blank slate-- the walls are painted gray, and there’s a big bed with spiderweb-patterned sheets against one wall, but other than that it’s empty. It’s clear that Remus is just waiting for Anxiety to tell him what to make. He’s bouncing up and down on his heels again, looking down at their stormcloud expectantly.

Luckily, Anxiety catches onto what Remus wants. Janus watches as he slowly lights up, surprised by this opportunity. “Nightmare Before Christmas?” he asks, so quietly that they both have to lean in a bit to hear him. Remus grins and immediately there’s merch scattered about the room, including a Zero plush on the bed that makes Anxiety gasp. When he turns back to Remus, his eyes are huge and all the hesitance is gone. 

Twenty minutes of requests later, Anxiety’s sitting on his bed, looking around at his new room with a mix of adoration and pride. Janus doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so purely happy before. (And no, that thought isn’t bittersweet  _ at all _ .) Anxiety tries to hide a yawn, his rush of excitement beginning to crash on him. Janus smiles, waving Remus out of the room and turning off all the lights except the green fairy lights strung around his bed. It’s rather adorable that he wants something with Remus’ colors. (And if Janus felt euphoric when Anxiety requested a yellow snake plush, well. Again, nobody can prove it.)

There’s a reading nook in one corner, complete with a couple small,  _ short  _ bookshelves. Janus still has no idea why the hell Anxiety tried to climb his, but he’s taking precautions regardless. He starts to walk over to find something to read, since he remembers Anxiety used to never be able to sleep without a story, but he suddenly hears a thump behind him and turns to see Anxiety passed out. It looks like the boy literally just fell over sitting up, splayed out on the bed in a doubtlessly uncomfortable position. 

He restrains himself from laughing, even though he’s pretty sure no noise would wake Anxiety up now. Poor little nightmare, exhausting himself so quickly. Deceit briefly remembers the insomnia Virgil had always suffered, and wonders if it will afflict Anxiety too. He hopes not. 

Janus goes to the door and closes it gently, nodding at Remus before he does. The duke’s standing in the middle of the hallway looking completely disoriented, but Janus can’t bring himself to feel bad for closing the door on him. Remus  _ is  _ a grown man, and he hates when Janus tries to get him to talk anyways. It always just ends in an endless barrage of snake jokes that grow increasingly more inappropriate the longer Janus talks. Needless to say, it’s a pointless endeavour. 

Remus doesn’t need him, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to be coddled. Anxiety certainly doesn’t want to be coddled either, but he’s eight now, so he won’t be able to escape that. As adorable as the grumpiness is, Janus knows Anxiety needs him. He’s so young. So  _ small _ . 

And he tried to climb the fucking  _ bookshelf  _ within ten minutes of being home, so there’s that. Such a problem child. An adorable, darling little  _ monster  _ of a kid. 

Janus sets his hat down on one of the dressers and sits down on one of the rather comfortable chairs in the room. He knows staying in here to watch over Anxiety while he sleeps is a stupid gesture at best. It’s not like the kid asked him to. Hell, if this child is anything like the Anxiety he grew up with, he’d cuss him out if he saw him sitting here. 

But it’s not really for Anxiety, is it? Janus can admit that much, at least to himself. Watching the figure on the bed sleeping peacefully, sitting in this new room they’ve created that is both so very much _ Virgil  _ and so very much  _ not _ — it’s for his sake. It’s the only way he can rebuke the incessant fear nagging at him that  _ this isn’t real _ . 

Anxiety continues to sleep, cuddling the Zero plush Remus made for him, and Janus is reassured by every second that passes because Anxiety doesn’t disappear. 


	7. Anxiety has a Teenage Angst Phase, but only for like two seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the love, I really can't say it enough! I'm so glad people like this story, I promise it won't always be so sad haha
> 
> In exchange for all the kudos, I humbly offer you some angst! Enjoy :)

_ Virgil was really close to ripping his hair out. “Get the hell out of my room,” he growled again, clenching his fists so hard that it hurt. _

_ Just like the past three times, Deceit totally ignored him. The snake instead casually circled his room, occasionally examining something that caught his eye. “Y’know, Virgil,” he said, voice infuriatingly smooth. “You’re not being a very good host right now.” Deceit paused his inspection of a Fall Out Boy poster, turning around to look at Virgil with fake hurt.  _

_ Virgil felt his eye twitch. “Well I didn’t fucking  _ **_invite you_ ** _ , so I  _ **_don’t really care_ ** _.” _

_ Deceit tsked at him, a habit of his that never failed to be annoying. “So rude to such a dear old friend. I’m disappointed, stormcloud.”  _

_ “Don’t call me that.” _

_ One of his gloved hands, which had been tracing a crack in the wall, froze. “...Pardon?” _

_ Virgil tried to convince himself the gross feeling in his stomach was disgust at the obnoxious yellow gloves, not guilt. “Don’t...don’t call me that.” His voice didn’t come out as strong as he wanted it to. It almost sounded like a scared little kid. He tried to hide his grimace of embarrassment.  _

_ The other side wasn’t even looking at him, though. He was just staring vacantly, like he wasn’t really there anymore. It was...unnerving, to say the least. Virgil had never seen him like that before, and even though he’d deny it ‘til the day he died, he was worried. Cautiously, he started to move towards Deceit, but that seemed to snap the snake back into reality. For a brief moment he stared at Virgil with some horrifying, indecipherable emotion.  _

_ Then he closed himself off. _

_ “Alright.” He conceded, staring Virgil down. Virgil flinched and immediately looked at the ground, unable to meet Deceit’s eyes. He shouldn’t feel bad. He shouldn’t. Deceit had lied to him so much, he didn’t deserve to use cutesy childhood nicknames. So why did he feel like he was gonna throw up? _

_ When he looked up, he was alone again. Virgil couldn’t even manage to feel relieved that Deceit hadn’t gotten to the drawer next to the closet. _

* * *

Anxiety jolts up in bed, struggling to breathe. His whole body’s trembling, and there’s tears running down his face. It’s dark in here. He’s alone. Why’s it so hard to breathe? Anxiety doesn’t wanna suffocate, Rem told him one time that it’s a super scary way to die. Why’s he alone? He doesn’t wanna be alone. Anything but being alone. Where are they? Where’s  _ Dee _ ?

He jumps when someone takes his hands, gently making him uncurl them from where they’re grabbing the blanket. “Breathe with me.” He feels a pattern being tapped onto the back of his hand, and Anxiety tries to follow it. Dee. Breathe in, breathe out. Dee’s here. He can breathe. 

“Good job, keep going,” Dee encourages, barely louder than a whisper. Anxiety’s grateful. His head’s too loud already. 

It doesn’t take long to calm down with Dee here, and soon he’s curled up in his lap, letting Dee draw circles on his back. It’s a weirdly soothing action. Dee’s still wearing his normal clothes, so Anxiety plays with the cape thing to distract himself from the fear. 

“How’d you know I wa’ scared?” he asks curiously. Half his words come out slurred from sleepiness, which makes him pout. One of Dee’s hands goes to his hair, petting him, and Anxiety’s too spacey right now to act annoyed about it so he just leans into the touch. Dee’s got no gloves on now. Good, they were bad anyways. Too bright. And they felt weird. 

“You were calling my name, my little stormcloud. I guessed you were having a nightmare, so I came to check on you.” 

Huh. Anxiety doesn’t think he was yelling when he woke up, but he  _ was  _ really tired and scared. He must’ve been talking out loud without even realizing it. Anxiety tries not to shudder at the thought. Who  _ knows  _ what kind of things he could be shouting out loud in his sleep, totally unaware of it? 

Dee pulls away to look at him, one hand under his chin to keep his head up. Anxiety knows Dee’s not  _ trying  _ to be scary, but he’s still uneasy being stared at so intently. “What was your nightmare about?” Dee murmurs, cradling his face now. He’s not mad, just worried. His touch is soft and careful. Anxiety relaxes.

“You were really mad at me,” he mumbles reluctantly, looking down at his blanket. Rem must’ve added some weight to it, and Anxiety really should thank him.

Anxiety suddenly jolts away from Dee, looking around the room in a panic. Nobody else is in here, but that’s more stressful than reassuring right now. “Where’s Rem?” he turns to Dee, close to tears. He doesn’t know  _ why, _ but it feels important that they all be together, right now. His heart is aching like he hasn’t seen Rem in years, which is stupid, but it still  _ hurts _ . 

Dee visibly relaxes. He even breathes out what kinda sounds like a laugh. “Remus is right outside, he’s waiting for us I’m sure. Would you like to—?”

Anxiety is already out of the bed and racing down the hallway to where he thinks the living room is. Remus is, in fact, just sitting upside down on Dee’s armchair, screwing around with the recline lever thing. Their eyes meet across the room and he’s sure his face is just as relieved and happy as Rem’s. 

“Vee!” he cheers (and there’s that weird nickname again, they better tell him what that’s all about soon), opening his arms. It just looks dumb ‘cause Rem’s still sitting upside down with half his body not even fitting on the chair. He snorts, and Rem crinkles his nose at him which makes him start full-on giggling. He didn’t even notice that Rem has a  _ mustache  _ now! How are both of them still so  _ weird _ ? It’s impressive. 

And then he’s being picked up  _ again _ . Dee must’ve been quiet on purpose so he wouldn’t hear him come up behind him. That snake. He immediately starts kicking this time, but it just makes both of them laugh. Anxiety wants nothing more than to bite them right now. Instead, he’s being held up like a damn cat. That last thought is the only thing that stops him from hissing. 

He gives up, glowering as hard as he can at the traitor in the armchair. The traitor tilts his head innocently, but for Rem it’s literally impossible to  _ not  _ look like he just killed five people. 

“I hate you,” he grumbles, trying one last kick. It doesn’t work. Shocker. 

Dee’s hands tighten around him; actually, it feels like Dee’s whole  _ body  _ just went super tense, like he sees something dangerous. There’s no witty remark. Anxiety looks to Rem for an answer, but Rem’s all frozen up too. He’s still got the grin on his face, but it looks...empty. Like he’s not actually here.

Did he mess up? He must’ve done something wrong, oh god, what did he _do_? Panicking, he twists in Dee’s arms to put his little hands on his face. Dee does that to him when he gets sad. The empty look in Dee’s eyes doesn’t immediately go away like Anxiety was hoping, but after a few moments he does start blinking and actually _sees_ Anxiety. He’s here again, with them, but he’s still so _sad_. Anxiety feels tears well up. 

His family’s  _ hurting _ , and he’s supposed to be the  _ protector _ . 

“I-I’m sorry,” he cries, unable to make himself stop. “I’m sorry, _Dee,_ **_I’m so sorry_** —”

That at least finally snaps him out of it. He looks horrified, the human side of his face going deathly pale. Anxiety hears him hiss “ _ shit _ ” under his breath, and then he’s being pulled into a tight hug. “No, you didn't do anything, Anxiety, I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything. I’m not upset at you, stormcloud. My little spider. I promise.”

Anxiety sniffles. He knows Dee  _ can  _ lie to him, but he...he wouldn’t. “Promise?”

The hand in Anxiety’s hair twitches like it doesn’t know whether to soothe him or tighten its grip even more. “I promise.”

As soon as all of them are calmed down, Dee and Rem both act like nothing happened. Dee hums to himself, smiling down at Anxiety like he’s a little lamb. (Anxiety doesn’t actually know what that means, but he remembers Dee saying it once during a rant, and it stuck with him.) Rem jumps out of the chair in some complicated flipping move, somehow landing on his feet unaffected. His face is lit up again, almost downright manic. 

Even though his stomach is twisting and his head feels like it’s getting stabbed over and over, Anxiety smiles for them. He plays along with whatever the hell they’re doing. Both of them exchange a relieved look. It’s frustrating, and stupid, but he already hurt them somehow so he’s gonna do whatever it takes to make them happy again. 

The rest of the day is like that, so perfectly normal that it’s obvious they’re trying to make him forget about earlier. Anxiety wants to scream. He wants to demand they tell him what’s happening, why they’re acting like this, why they’re  _ so sad _ . 

Instead, he plays along. They watch a couple movies, debate the value of furbies, and eat spaghetti for dinner. He makes the mistake of yawning in plain view, so Dee brings him to his room. He whines and complains about it so Dee doesn’t get suspicious. He gets under his covers without complaint, and lets Dee read him a chapter of Percy Jackson. He doesn’t say a word about how Remus is lingering in the doorway, or how Dee takes extra long to put the book back and adjust his blankets around him. He just says goodnight and rolls over.

He doesn’t sleep, and they don’t need to know that. Making plans is more important right now. 


	8. Uh-oh, Dad's Going To The Store To Get Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus experiences the wonders of separation anxiety!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt kinda bad for making so many people sad yesterday, so y'all can get this chapter early. As an apology sdjkafkdk
> 
> Next chapter is much longer and full of fluffy family time, I promise

_ Janus rose up in Anxiety’s room with ease. It wasn’t very difficult to panic when the side’s presence was just  _ gone _.  _

_ “Virgil!” He didn’t bother hiding the fear, or the worry, or the anger. “Virgil, come out here  _ **_right now_ ** _!”  _

_ Virgil did, indeed, pop up in front of him with a terrifyingly blank expression. He didn’t say anything, just stared somewhere behind Janus.  _

_ “What the hell are you doing?” he hissed, stepping towards Virgil.  _ That  _ got a reaction, Virgil stumbling back and locking eyes with him. He seemed to take a moment to register the question, and then a bitter smirk twisted his mouth. Janus couldn’t tell if that was more or less unnerving than the total blankness.  _

_ “I figured it was obvious,” he said. Janus could tell he was going for a casual drawl, but his voice was rough and croaky. He sounded like he did after a bad panic attack.  _

_ “Enlighten me, then.” _

_ “What, you can’t figure it out? I thought you knew everything about everyone.” _

_ Janus had to take a deep breath to stop himself from outright yelling. “Now isn’t the time for our petty little  _ games _ , Virgil.  _ **_What. Are. You. Doing._ ** _ ” _

_ Virgil rolled his eyes, and as casual as could be, said “I’m ducking out.” _

_ The room felt unbearably freezing. Janus found himself unable to form a response for a minute, a record for him. “Y-” he started, then coughed when his voice came out far too vulnerable for his liking. “You can’t do that.” _

_ “Oh really?” Virgil laughed. It was a painful sound to hear. “Because I think I already did.” _

_ Suddenly Janus was  _ furious _ , and he instantly latched onto that because it was so much less painful than the grief. How dare he talk about this without a care in the world? How dare he treat his life like something to be thrown away? Did he have any idea  _ **_how much pain Janus was in without him_ ** _? _

_ He knew he wasn’t hiding his emotions very well when Virgil’s face hardened, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad. Virgil needed to hear how stupid he was being, how important he was, how he couldn’t just leave them. _

_ But just as Janus opened his mouth, they both felt the jarring shift in the mindscape. In Anxiety’s room. Janus internally cursed them all out, knowing exactly who it would be and knowing those idiots wouldn’t say the right things. Knowing Virgil wasn’t listening to him anymore as soon as he sensed their presence.  _

_ A bit desperately, he lunged forward and grabbed onto Virgil’s hoodie. “Don’t go,” he tried to warn. He didn’t even care if he sounded furious or sad or anything, as long as it was something that would make Virgil  _ listen _. “They don’t care about you, they’ll just hurt you again _ .”

_ Virgil’s face shuttered closed, a mask of pure resentment to cover up the hurt. It made Janus falter long enough for Virgil to pull his sleeve free. “Go fuck yourself,” he spat, and then he sunk out, undoubtedly to go see the intruders. To talk to them instead of  _ him _. _

_ Janus kept a close eye on them all, ready to jump in if the light sides screwed this up. When everything was said and done, he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or angry that they hadn’t. _

* * *

Admittedly, Janus should have gotten more sleep last night. He has to retrieve Virgil’s pet spider today, and he really needs a lot of rest and energy to deal with being over there. But alas, by the time Anxiety wakes up, he’s already on his third cup of heavily-caffeinated tea.

Anxiety slept peacefully without a single nightmare, thankfully unaware of how the two of them had been lingering around his room, terrified that if one of them wasn’t with him then he’d just vanish. It’s not rational, no, but Janus isn’t exactly aware of how getting de-aged works. He’s not letting his guard down until he’s sure Anxiety’s safe. 

Speak of the devil, his darling little nightmare walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes with one hand and holding an octopus plush in the other. He doesn’t recall Virgil liking plush toys and such, but then again Virgil always did hide stuff he thought would be shameful. Yet another failure Janus will have to correct this time around. 

Anxiety walks right past Remus’ spot on the oven despite the duke trying to catch his attention by shouting out fun facts about octopi. Instead he beelines for Janus, only to make grabby hands as soon as he’s close. Janus has to restrain himself from celebrating. He  _ wants  _ to be held now! That will certainly make everything a lot easier. 

When he swiftly picks him up, though, Anxiety scowls and shoves the octopus plush into Janus’ face. “I was asking for  _ food _ ,” he whines impudently. Remus starts having a laughing fit next to them, but Janus refuses to feel embarrassed. Ever. So he puts on his signature smirk, one hand ruffling Anxiety’s hair just to annoy him.

“I’m getting to that. So impatient, aren’t you?”

“Put me  _ down _ .”

Janus pretends to think about it for a second, humming. “No. What do you want for breakfast, dear?”

They squabble back and forth as Janus makes them all pancakes, Remus jutting in every few minutes with a bizarre joke that’s only barely related to what they’re talking about. Sitting at the table with the two of them, calm and content, is achingly familiar. It must’ve been years ago, the last time they’d all gotten along like this. With great reluctance, Janus finally cleans up the table and sends Anxiety off to play in the living room. Remus glances at him before he follows, and Janus nods once in response. 

No more putting it off. The kid might have a mental breakdown if he doesn’t get his spider back soon. 

Janus takes a moment to just watch Anxiety from the living room doorway— Remus is running around the room holding Anxiety above his head, blabbering on about something to do with lava. Anxiety seems more focused on not getting bumped into the furniture. 

He lets himself chuckle. “Perhaps try playing something that  _ won’t  _ make Anxiety sick, Remus?” 

Remus pouts, but he does drop Anxiety on the couch and Janus is rewarded with another grateful smile. It does little to ease the discomfort creeping its way up to his chest. God, it’s pathetic how afraid he is to leave the kid for even a few minutes, but he can’t do anything about it now. He’ll just have to resign himself to being a soft-heart from now on. How tragic.

“I have some work to do,” he tells Anxiety calmly, inspecting his gloves to hide the way his hands fidget. “I’ll be back in an hour, alright?”

Anxiety’s face falls. “You’re leaving?”

An eight year-old should  _ not  _ be able to stab into Deceit’s heart like that. “Only for an hour, stormcloud. Remus will be here, don’t worry.”

“I don’t see how Rem being here would make me worry  _ less _ ,” the kid snarked.

Remus cackles hysterically, mockingly wiping tears from his eyes. “He got you there, Double Dee! God, they grow up so fast.” 

Anxiety has the audacity to shoot Janus a smug look.

Janus rolls his eyes, but the fear in his chest has settled a bit now. “Hush, both of you. I’ll be back soon, do try not to electrocute yourself this time, Remus. And no setting fires.”

“Sir yes sir!”

Janus allows himself one last look at Anxiety, giggling on the couch, and then he turns and walks to the door. 


	9. The Suspense is Gonna Kill You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy family bonding time with no angst at all!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to everyone who's given comments and kudos!!! <3

_ “Anxiety,” Dee sighed with all the suffering of a single parent. It was a hilarious look on a nine year-old. “You’ve lived here a few years now, no? I expected better of you.” _

_ He and Rem glanced at each other and tried their best not to burst out laughing again. Anxiety couldn’t stop himself from grinning though. “Well, your first mistake was having expectations, Dee.” _

_ Rem had to slap a hand over his mouth to muffle the hellish sound of his laughter. Like a hyena, if it was dying. Dee looked between them, his human eye twitching. “Oh, I’m _ terribly  _ sorry I expected you to know better than to  _ **_listen to Remus_ ** _. How awful of me.” _

_ “I forgive you.” _

_ There was a gross snorting sound next to him, and then Rem was folded over, cackling loudly. He held a hand in the air and Anxiety high-fived him. Dee looked ready to strangle them both right then and there.  _

_ “Aw, c’mon, Dee,” Anxiety teased, looking very pleased with himself. “It  _ was  _ funny.” _

_ “You two somehow moved  _ **_all of my stuff_ ** _ to inaccessible places in the  _ **_five minutes_ ** _ I was gone! Do you have any idea how tedious it will be to find and retrieve all of it? Especially since I certainly won’t have any help from either of you!” _

_ “You’re just mad ‘cause you’re short,” Rem jutted in.  _

_ “Anxiety is far smaller than me.” _

_ “Yeah, but he does cool things like play pranks on you, so I’m promoting him to an honorary tall person.” _

_ “Aww, Ree,” Anxiety said, the innocence in his voice so fake that it was probably annoying Dee. Well, annoying him even more. “That’s so sweet of you!” _

_ Rem mockingly bowed. “Of course, anything for you.” _

_ Dee made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, and then stormed past them. A few seconds after his door slammed, they could hear muffled screaming.  _

_ They both finally let themselves laugh, so hard that Anxiety felt out of breath. He grinned up at Rem, and it was just as conspiratorial as it was fond. “Thanks, Rem. You were right, that was really fun.” _

_ Rem’s grin was full of sharp teeth, but it didn’t scare him anymore. “I’m not the sharpest axe in the butcher shop, but I’m an  _ expert _ when it comes to fun. Besides, that’s what he gets for trying to make us eat vegetables.” _

* * *

Anxiety watches Dee leave from his spot on the couch, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. He’d usually refuse to show weakness like this-- Dee had taught him that weakness has to be locked behind closed doors, so nobody can use it to hurt him. But if it was okay for Dee to act like a sappy scaredy-cat, surely it can’t be bad anymore? 

Wait...did Dee just go out the front door? The door that led to the light side? The door that Dee had warned him away from ever since the  _ first moment  _ he came here?

Anxiety narrows his eyes. The door isn’t any less terrifying than he remembers, but he tries his best not to panic. Dee’s not stupid, he wouldn’t have gone through it if he was in any danger. So...is crossing over not dangerous anymore? 

“Hey Ree?” He calls, hoping he doesn’t sound too worried. Rem’s head jerks up from where he had been rifling through a random box that Anxiety doesn’t think was there a second ago. “Did...did Dee just go to the light side?”

Rem’s face does that weird, glassy-eyed thing again, but it’s gone so quickly that Anxiety’s not sure if he imagined it. “Yeah, why?” Rem says as if there’s nothing weird about it all, tilting his head just a little too far to be natural. 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to go through that door? Dee said it was dangerous.”

The way Rem nods over and over makes him look like a bobblehead. “Oh, yes, it’s very, very, very, very dangerous! You heard Dee, no using that door, no sir-ee!”

Anxiety looks at Rem like he’s stupid. “But...Dee literally  _ just  _ used it.”

“Yup!” Rem pops the ‘p’, smiling  _ way  _ too wide. “Jannie can come and go, but no little itty bitty spiders. You’d get smushed!”

He crinkles his nose in disgust. “Ew.”

It makes Rem laugh to himself a bit, and then he goes back to looking for...whatever he’s looking for. Anxiety’s glad Rem’s a lot more oblivious than Dee, because he’s sure he’s making his ‘thinking face’, as Rem used to call it. 

But Dee isn’t here. He’s off in the light side, hiding secrets. Anxiety’s plan becomes crystal clear in his head, and he bites back a grin. 

Later, though; right now Remus is pulling random stuff out of the box, and Anxiety’s getting impatient. He hops off the couch and goes to stand next to him. Looking in the box doesn’t help at all, since it just looks like a bunch of old junk thrown into one place. The side of it says “FUN” in a familiar, god-awful scrawl. Did Rem write it awhile ago, or did this Rem just never get better at writing? 

“What’re you doin’?” he finally asks after a few minutes. By now, Rem’s pulled out a couple foam swords, an old beaten-up photo album, huge rolls of fabric, fake bugs, and what looks like a mini science lab. It’s even got the fancy glass test tube thingies. “What’s all this stuff for?”

Rem turns to him, grinning. “Oh, it’s not all for right now, just getting some supplies ready for later!”

“You realize how ominous that sounds, right?”

“Oooh ‘ominous’, look who knows big words! Dee will be so proud when he gets back,” Rem says, one hand over his heart. Anxiety snorts and shoves him as hard as he can, which sadly isn’t very much anymore since Rem’s so freaking big. 

“Seriously, what’re we doin’ while he’s gone?” Anxiety tries to reach into the box but Rem bats his hand away. “There’s no way you don’t have any ideas.”

“Oh, I have ideas,” Rem says, a  _ very _ familiar glint in his eyes. Anxiety grins, already bouncing on his feet in anticipation. “How would you like to screw with Dee a little bit?”

“I’d  _ love  _ to.”

Anxiety doesn’t really have a good sense of time, so it doesn’t take long for him to get fidgety once they’re done with their little project. How long has Dee been gone? It feels like more than an hour, but he has no idea if his fear is justified or not because there isn’t a clock in here. He’ll have to ask for a clock. 

Rem notices and immediately pulls out all his favorite movies, telling him to pick one to start with. Anxiety  _ knows  _ he’s trying to distract him, which is not a good sign, but...he does love  _ The Black Cauldron _ . He’s eight and he’s had a long day, he deserves a little movie time. 

Halfway through _The Blair Witch Project_ , Anxiety’s stomach growls loudly, startling both of them. How much time has passed? 

Rem hops off the couch, discarding his replica of the witch’s stick symbol thing. His version looks more like...well. Anxiety crinkles his nose at where it landed on the floor. “Whad’ya wanna eat, pipsqueak?” Rem calls over his shoulder, already climbing onto one of the kitchen counters.

Anxiety blinks at him, staying right where he is. “You can’t make food, Rem.”

Rem turns to him with teary eyes, streaks of purple eyeshadow running down his face. “How could you say that?” he gasps. “Betrayed by my own family, in my own home!”

“When the hell did you start wearing eyeshadow?”

The eyeshadow streaks vanish. “Language, young man!” Rem says in a perfect imitation of Dee’s voice, not missing a beat. 

Anxiety blinks at him again. And again. And then he starts snickering, trying to cover the sound with his hand. Rem joins in and soon they’re both laughing loudly, only stopping when Anxiety’s stomach growls again. 

He eventually convinces Rem to let him heat up leftovers in the microwave, reminding him that Dee literally only asked him to do two things-- no electrocution, no fires. Rem pretends to be sad for a second, but when Anxiety doesn’t give him a reaction, he just shrugs and sits backwards on one of the chairs. 

“Did you know humans are the only animals that feel embarrassment?”

Anxiety tilts his head at him, hopping up on the counter while he waits. “We are? That makes sense I guess.”

Thrilled to have gotten a response, Rem starts rocking the chair back and forth. “Yup! And rabbits can’t puke!”

“Why would they need to?” Anxiety scoffs. 

“Maybe they have emetophilia!”

He opens his mouth to ask and then realizes he really doesn’t wanna know. The microwave beeps, giving him an excuse to not respond. 

“Hey, did you know that the whole thing about your fingernails and hair growing after you die is totally false? It’s just that the skin around them dehydrates and retracts, making ‘em look longer!”

Anxiety glares at him as he takes out the spaghetti. “Ree,” he whines, “we’re literally sitting down to eat right now, can you wait on the gross shit?”

Rem snickers. “Sure, sure, no problem!”

That lasts for like, ten seconds, but it’s enough time for Anxiety to get the food on the table. Realizing Dee’s not here to scold him, he climbs up onto the table and sits down, putting his plate in front of him with a smug smile. 

“Did you know--”

“No, I don’t care, shut up--”

“--that deer kill more people than sharks?”

Anxiety shoves a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth, glaring across the table. 

It’s definitely been more than an hour.

There’s no windows here, so he can’t really tell if the day has passed or not, but Rem wouldn’t be trying so hard to distract him if there wasn’t a problem. Anxiety tries to enjoy his time with Rem, he really does, but that’s  _ really hard  _ when Dee’s  _ gone  _ and he  _ said  _ he’d be back in an hour.  _ Did he lie? _

Anxiety’s stomach growls again. 

He lets himself start feeling scared. 


	10. Janus, can you please stop being sus for once in your life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus, my dude, you're not helping your case at all—

_ Janus had thought it was strange when he couldn’t find Virgil in his room or any of his usual hiding spots, but he didn’t let himself worry until he sensed Virgil’s presence in the light side of the mindscape.  _

_ Virgil was supposed to stay down here, he knew that. Janus had told him a million times. They hadn’t...seen eye-to-eye recently, to say the least, but Virgil wasn’t stupid. He  _ knew  _ that was dangerous. So why was he up there, talking to them? _

_ As soon as he heard their door open and slam shut again, he ran over with harsh reprimands already forming on his lips. But then he actually saw Virgil _ —  _ hunched in on himself like he was trying to disappear, hands visibly twitching in his hoodie pockets. All his anger was redirected at the three fools who had caused such a reaction.  _

_ “What happened, stormcloud?” he asked softly, keeping a few steps away. Virgil would only shut down if he tried to comfort him.  _

_ Virgil scowled down at the floor. “I went to try to help them, they were assholes, I came back. There, you’re all caught up.” _

_ “What did they say?” Janus was pleased that he managed to make his voice stay even.  _

_ “Doesn’t matter,” he scoffed, shoving Janus’ shoulder as he passed by.  _

_ Janus narrowed his eyes. “What did they say.” _

_ Virgil paused in front of his bedroom door, one hand already turning the knob. “Nothing,” he muttered. Janus wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t already focusing all his attention on him. Virgil’s door slammed shut. Janus stood there for a few minutes before deciding to leave him be. He tended to lash out when he was hurt, and Janus didn’t particularly feel like playing that game right now.  _

_ Virgil was home, that was all that mattered. Janus would just have to make sure the light sides couldn’t get to him. _

_ Later, Janus would wonder if that was the day he lost Virgil.  _

* * *

As soon as he crosses the threshold, he snaps his fingers and the door is locked behind him. There aren’t any light sides in the immediate vicinity, thank god, but that’s no reason to let his guard down. He stays perfectly still and listens for a moment; he can hear Morality and Creativity a few rooms away, likely the kitchen. Not the most ideal situation, but at least two of them are out of the way. 

He’ll have to get past the kitchen to get to the stairs, and once he’s in the hallway he’ll have to keep tabs on Logic. He would sigh out loud if he could. 

Deceit has never really cared to use his talents to their fullest ability. (It takes very little effort to fool these three, after all, and he doesn’t like wasting his own time.) So he’s pleased to find that moving silently, metaphorically in the shadows, still comes naturally to him.

Luckily, Morality and Roman are the least observant sides by a landslide, so it’s easy to slip past the open door. Patting himself on the back, he makes his way to the staircase with more confidence in his step. Two down. But then he hears Morality mention Anxiety, and he can’t resist the temptation to listen in. Who is he to deny his nature? 

Especially if their little chat involves his dear stormcloud. 

“—don’t know, Roman,” Morality says, sounding nervous. Janus has seen that expression on Morality’s face enough that he can see it clearly in his mind. 

“Do you have any better ideas?” Roman still sounds furious. His blood pressure must be abysmal by now. “Do you  _ want  _ them to traumatize Virgil all over again?”

Janus freezes.

They think…?

It takes all his willpower not to walk right into the kitchen and tear them both to shreds. How dare they.  **_How dare they_ ** . The light sides dismissed Virgil, threw him aside, and then  _ stole  _ him, and now they felt they had the right to presume  _ he and Remus  _ had-- Janus can’t even think about it. 

The voice in his head says  _ maybe they’re right and you never noticed _ . Janus hisses through his teeth.  _ I didn’t _ . He wants to throttle them both, and he wants to rush back home to hold Anxiety, but neither of those are really on the table right now. 

So he clenches his jaw, his fangs grinding painfully against his other teeth, and makes his way up the stairs. 

He’s glad the hallway is empty because the second he sees Virgil’s door, an amazingly angsty blemish in this pastel-themed hell, a smile forms on his lips that he’s sure would be used against him. There’s purple accents now, and it no longer exudes dread, but it’s undeniably still  _ Virgil _ . His stormcloud had loved pretending he was a completely different person after he left. It’s somewhat soothing to see that he never truly changed. 

Predictably, Virgil’s door creaks like something right out of a horror movie as he opens it. Janus rolls his eyes. It’d be endearing if it wasn’t so inconvenient right now.  _ Even when you’re not here, you still live to spite me, don’t you?  _ he muses fondly, and he imagines for a moment that he can hear Virgil sniping back at him. 

Anxiety was a little shit since the second he formed, but somewhere along the line it had malformed into pure resentment. His little spider, safely back at home with Remus, will never grow to resent him if he does this right. 

Janus takes in the abandoned room. He wonders if his Anxiety will grow up to have the same obsession with emo bands.

Ah, there’s the creature that dragged him into this situation. One corner of the room is set aside for a rather lovely terrarium, certainly much bigger than one spider needs.  _ Who knew you were such a soft-heart too?  _ he teases, and the Virgil in his head rolls his eyes. He considers the corner; it’s not his place to throw away all the work Virgil poured into this, but he can’t exactly carry the entire terrarium back home. Regretfully, he gently picks up the tarantula trying to hide behind a rock and leaves the room. The urge to stay and reminisce is strong, but luckily he has  _ excellent _ self control. 

Logic is still nowhere in sight when Janus makes his way through the hallway. He listens intently at the top of the stairs, and can hear all three of them in the kitchen now, arguing. For all that holier-than-thou bullshit they do, they are comically terrible at meeting their own standards. 

He carefully cups his hands around the spider before slowly walking down the stairs. One of the steps creaks ever-so slightly under his weight; he freezes, but the three stooges are arguing too loudly to hear it anyways. He easily makes it to the kitchen doorway with no incident. But this will be the tricky part.

Logic is harder to fool; a constant thorn in Janus’ side. 

Janus tunes out the other two, since they’re not the concern. Listening for Logic proves futile, though. Hissing through his teeth, he decides to slowly peek into the room to get a decent gauge on what’s happening. Risky, but running blind would be foolish. 

He sees Morality first, wearing oven mitts and an apron. The other two are still out of sight, so he leans in slightly further. He can see glimpses of white and red, so the prince must be pacing. He’ll be too distracted to notice anything, and since Logic still isn’t visible, he won’t be able to see the doorway clearly. 

Time to go home, then. 

The door to the dark side isn’t far from the kitchen, so he just makes a run for it in case the prince sees him and makes chase. There’s no battle cry behind him, so he figures he’s in the clear. The door’s right there, he’ll just have to be quick about locking it—

He’s lucky living with Remus requires quick reflexes, because that’s the only reason he doesn’t collide with Logic when he suddenly rises up. In front of the  _ door _ . And he looks furious.

_ The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math,  _ Virgil’s voice sighs.

_ What the hell does that even mean?  _ he hisses back, but he doesn't get a response. Because of course he doesn’t, he’s talking to himself. God. He might be going insane. 

Janus raises his head to the ceiling, cursing out every god he can think of off the top of his head. Why him? Why must  _ everything  _ be so unnecessarily  _ difficult _ ?

“Deceit.”

Janus groans. “Logic, yes, hello, don’t you think this is getting a bit repetitive? As fun as our little debates are--”

“This isn’t a  _ debate _ ,” Logic spits. “You don’t deserve that. I’m  _ telling you  _ to return Virgil home.”

He can hear the other two walk up behind him, and a sword pressing up against his back. Fantastic. Usually Deceit excels at practicing patience, and he  _ loves  _ any chance to mess with the light sides, but right now they’re just in his way. “Virgil is home,” he bites out through bared teeth. “Shoo.”

“Not until you return Virgil. His home is here.”

“Hm...if you’ll be a  _ darling _ and get out of my way, I’ll consider it. Deal?” He tilts his head and offers Logic a charming smile. Logic’s face says he’s unamused. 

The sword digs in a little further into his back, but Janus isn’t particularly worried. Roman is harmless, especially compared to his counterpart. 

Morality joins Logic in front of the door, somehow looking more miserable than he did yesterday morning. It seems like he’s trying to gather himself, but he still just looks like a puppy in the rain. Janus would feel bad for him if he didn’t keep trying to steal Anxiety from him. 

“We’re not moving until you unlock that door,” Morality manages to say with only one voice crack. 

“And why would I do that, my dear Morality?”

“I’ll run you through with my sword,” Roman threatens behind him. 

Morality gasps. “Roman! No violence! We’re going to get Virgil back without anyone getting hurt.” He hesitates. “....right, Deceit?” He glances over at Deceit like he’s looking for reassurance. The gesture is hilarious.

“Of course, Morality. I’ll just roll over and let you kidnap him, hm? I’m  _ sure  _ that won’t  _ traumatize him _ .” Janus can’t resist aiming the last two words directly at Morality, making sure they drip venom. Morality winces. 

“You’re the one tr—!”

Deceit makes Roman shut up with a quick wave of his hands, only remembering he's holding a spider a few seconds later. He does not want to hear those words again. They’re already making him ill. 

Janus stalks a few steps towards Morality, his vitriolic glare never wavering. “You know, Morality,” he purrs, “he was so  _ scared  _ yesterday, when I brought him home. I didn’t think you to be so cruel! To remove a child from his home, his  _ family _ , just for your petty little agenda…” Janus tsks, savoring the tears welling up in Morality’s eyes. “Well, that’s just unforgivable, don’t you think? You of all people should see how wrong that is.”

Morality stammers a bit. Logic puts a hand on his shoulder, which seems to shut him up. “Stop lying, Deceit,” Logic snaps, but Janus can see the words are getting to him too.

He grins, all fangs and no joy. “Oh, Logic,” he simpers. “Poor,  _ poor  _ Logic. That’s the worst part of all!  _ I’m not _ .”

Logic flinches.

Janus is confident that he’s won this round, but then the sword is at his throat. Roman’s hand is still over his mouth, glaring at him with actual, genuine hatred. Janus raises an eyebrow at him. “Yes?” he laughs. The prince’s eye twitches in irritation, unable to respond. 

Logic and Morality are now holding hands, god knows why. Logic is standing up straight again, jaw clenched. Morality’s not crying. What the hell did they say to each other? “You are a liar, trusting your words would be a preventable error.” Logic and Morality move closer to the door. He wants to curl his hands into fists, but he’s still holding Virgil’s damned spider. 

“You can believe whatever you’d like about my reliability, but there’s no way the embodiment of logic doesn’t see what’s wrong with your little rescue plan.”

Logic scowls. Always so sensitive about his intelligence...these three really did make it too easy for him. “And what’s that?”

“What do you think will happen if I unlock that door? Because I know what will happen. You’ll go in calling for Virgil, a name Anxiety will not even recognize, but  _ Remus  _ will. Remus will confront you before you catch a single glimpse of dear Anxiety, and I’m sure you can imagine how well that will go for you.”

All three of them flinch, but none of them move. 

“I knew you three were stupid, but really? You think I’ll let you kidnap my child?” 

Roman’s brows furrow. Morality says “He’s not yours,” hardly any louder than a whisper.

“Then he’s not  _ yours _ , idiot,” he sneers back. 

Morality just crosses his arms. Logic is standing there like an immovable object to Deceit’s unstoppable force. Roman can’t talk, but his sword is still sharp. 

Fine. He can play the long game. 

Janus sighs as loud as he can, and then he walks over to their furniture, sprawling across their couch with his shoes propped up on the armrest. Looking over at them with a casual air, he’s pleased to see the variations of shock crossing their faces. 

His distress is instantly hidden by a mask of amusement. “I have all day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all seemed very worried about this confrontation, when in reality all four of them are just idiots with no communication skills asjsdfgk. My deepest apologies for all the stress I've caused 
> 
> Next chapter's super long because it's from the light sides' point of view, so keep an eye out for that ;)


	11. Wow, I didn't know Dad was gonna take us on a Guilt Trip today!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super long chapter, as promised! If anything's confusing, please just comment and I'll try to clear things up haha
> 
> Roman's POV, enjoy! <3

_ “Oh wow... this is actually pretty cool, Princey.” _

_ Roman beamed, watching Virgil with excitement. The emo’s eyeshadow was finally fading a bit _ — _ it had been bad the past few days, but he stubbornly refused to talk about it. Roman was determined to help him nonetheless.  _

_ He’d made this little spot a few months ago, but he’d been hesitant to bring Virgil there until now. It was darker than his usual style; trees blocked out the sky, except for one patch of beautiful violets that would be perfect for star-gazing. He refused to make spiders, so he hoped the crows he’d made would be good enough.  _

_ Judging by the unusually open expression on Virgil’s face, he’d say he succeeded. Even after living together for a year, it was challenging to get Virgil to genuinely show his emotions. But when he did...it was wonderful. Roman couldn’t believe he  _ ever  _ thought Virgil to be a villain.  _

_ “Do you like it?” he blurted out. Virgil turned to him in surprise. And then smiled. It was mostly teasing, but there was a little bit of joy underneath it.  _

_ “Yeah, yeah. I like it.” Virgil paused, looking around for a few moments like he was trying to figure something out. When he turned back to Roman, his shoulders were tensed up again. “This is um...darker than I expected. I thought you’d do like, unicorns and rainbows.” _

_ Roman could feel his face flush. “Well I, uh…” he trailed off, shuffling his feet. “I made it for you, actually. Y’know, all dark and stormy. Like you.” He awkwardly laughed.  _

_ Virgil looked stunned. _

_ “I do have a castle and stuff, I can take you there instead if _ —”

_ “No.” Virgil sounded reverent, and when Roman looked over at him, he was smiling. Genuinely smiling. “I love it…..thank you, Princey.” _

* * *

Roman didn’t sleep last night, he was too busy going over possible plans with Logan. Planning is the only thing that matters right now. Why can’t Patton see that? Virgil’s  _ gone _ , stolen by Deceit and his screwed-up brother, so small and defenseless— surely it’s obvious that sleep isn’t of priority right now?

Patton just keeps going on about how important a healthy night’s sleep is, and he really should be taking care of himself, blah, blah, blah. There’s probably more to it than that, but Roman can only think of running back upstairs to brainstorm. Even the syrup-covered, Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes Patton puts in front of him look unappealing. 

But Patton is looking at him so desperately, and Roman could never bear to make him sad. Begrudgingly, he eats a couple pancakes and thanks Patton for the breakfast. It does little to ease Patton’s fussiness, though. 

“You should try to lie down, kiddo.” He says softly, glancing at Roman out of the corner of his eye. He’s washing the dishes, even though they’re already clean.

Roman snorts. “Thanks for the concern, padre, but I’m afraid I have plans. Speaking of, I should go—”

“What plans have you two come up with? About Virgil, I mean.” Patton interrupts. He’s smiling, but the fear in his voice is tangible. Roman winces in sympathy. 

“Well, the snake completely cut us off from them, so we can’t get in contact with Virgil at all. Virgil’s room is still here, so we’re thinking maybe we could use that as a way to get them to open the door? It’ll be tricky, but if we’re quick about it, we can get in while they’re distracted. There might be some way to get a message to them, we’re working on it. Worst case scenario, I always have my mirror. I don’t think Remus ever told... _ him  _ about it, so it should still be unlocked.”

Patton bites his lip, looking like he’s restraining himself from saying something. Roman knows it’s just the stress, but it still hurts a bit. 

“What is it?” He hopes he sounds more supportive than frustrated. 

“I just...I don’t know, Roman,” Patton says, playing with one of the strings of his apron instead of looking up. 

“Do you have any better ideas?” He doesn’t mean to snap, but Virgil’s  _ gone  _ and Patton’s having him sit here eating pancakes. Every second wasted is another second of Virgil being stuck down there with them, all alone. “Do you  _ want  _ them to traumatize Virgil all over again?”

Patton flinches, and immediately Roman feels like shit. Pat’s still holding a plate, but his hand is trembling so much that Roman gently takes it from him, fearing he’ll drop it. 

“I’m sorry, Pat. I shouldn’t take my stress out on you.”

Patton takes a shaky breath, managing a weak smile. “It’s okay, kiddo, I understand. Right now is...very stressful. For all of us.”

Roman draws him into a hug. Patton quickly returns it, sniffling. “It’ll be okay,” Roman murmurs. “We won’t let them hurt him again.”

“...What if  _ we _ hurt him?”

Startled, Roman moves away so he can see Patton’s face. “What do you mean?”

“Virgil. He looked so scared of us. Of me.” Patton sounds broken, and Roman’s heart hurts. Admittedly, remembering the terror in little Virgil’s face when he looked at them does make Roman feel a bit guilty. 

“He doesn’t know us yet, and he’s still so young that he trusts those two because they’re the  _ only  _ people he knows. I’d rather he be mad at us for a while than let him grow up to be so scared and angry again.”

That seems to bring life back into Patton’s eyes, which is a huge relief. “You’re right.” His voice is still shaky, but his eyes are shining with determination now. “You’re right. I won’t let them hurt him. He’s part of our family.”

“And family means nobody gets left behind,” he quotes without thinking. It makes Patton giggle, a sound that lifts a weight off Roman’s shoulders. 

Logan comes into the kitchen looking even more exhausted than Roman. He didn’t even fix his hair. Roman narrows his eyes when Logan starts shooting quick glances behind him. “What’s got you all spooked?”

Logan barely reacts to the question, staring at the door intently. “I don’t think we’re alone.”

Patton turns so fast that he almost drops the pan of muffins he’s taking out of the oven. There’s three more batches already set out in the counter.

Roman manages to make himself stay calm. “What? Who do you think is here?”

“Who do you think.” Logan deadpans, levelling him with a look that very clearly says  _ You are unbelievably stupid.  _

“Sheesh, no need to get snippy.” Roman mutters under his breath. Logan can probably hear him, so he starts thinking out loud before the nerd gets a chance to say something rude. “The Duke couldn’t be sneaky if he tried, but that means he’s still with Virgil, which is a whole different problem. Why would  _ he  _ come here if not to mock us, anyways? There’s no way he’s not smug about...all of this.” 

He realizes he’s started pacing. Logan looks like he’s gonna say something, but suddenly he freezes and swivels to look at the door. He sinks out before Roman can blink. 

Patton looks over at him in confusion. Roman just shrugs and motions for Patton to sink out with him, following Logan’s presence. Weirdly enough, they pop up in the living room. Why didn’t Logan just walk—

Oh.

_ He’s here _ .

The sword is in Roman’s hand immediately. Seeing red, he storms up behind the snake and pushes the blade into his back. He’s not getting through that door again.  _ They’re going to save Virgil.  _

It’s been  _ hours _ . Deceit’s just lounging around on  _ their  _ couch, rambling about philosophy dilemmas until Patton has to retreat to the kitchen. He and Logan are guarding the door, and Roman still has his sword in a white-knuckled grip. Deceit stares back at them calmly, an amused smirk on his face. 

“We should do this more often,” the snake says. The words sound like pure honey, but his mismatched eyes are glinting with ill intent. 

“You were not invited,” Logan replies bluntly, adjusting his tie for the hundredth time. Roman would assume he’s genuinely oblivious, but Logan’s got a bitter twist to his mouth that tells him the nerd is just being difficult. Roman can’t help smiling a little. Virgil’s dry humor had slowly forced Logan to figure out sarcasm over the past couple years; it’s nice, noticing the little changes like that. 

Patton abruptly comes back into the room. He looks like he’s marching to his death. He’s also holding a tray of fresh cookies and wearing an apron that says  _ ‘Romaine calm and carry on’ _ . It’s a confusing sight. “I made cookies.” His voice is shaky, but he mostly just seems angry. He puts the tray down on the table with so much force that Logan jumps. 

Deceit raises an eyebrow. “Thank you  _ so much _ for stating the obvious.”

Patton smiles at Deceit. It’s clearly strained. “They’re lemon cookies.”

Deceit just blinks at him in response.

“...You can have one. Cookies help everything.”

There’s a few moments where they both stare at each other, a heavy tension in the air between all four of them. Then Deceit starts laughing. It’s an annoying sound, Roman thinks.

“That’s so adorably naive of you! Charming.” 

“Oh, just take one of the damn cookies,” Roman snaps, fed up. Patton shoots him a disapproving glance, but he doesn’t care. If the snake is this intolerable in front of them, how does he act behind closed doors? Roman shivers. 

“My hands are full, sorry,” Deceit drawls. 

What? Roman admonishes himself for only just now realizing the snake hasn't unclasped his hands this whole time. Is he hiding some sort of weapon in those stupid gloves? “What do you have? You snuck in here just to get it, what is it? Blackmail? A bomb?”

Deceit lights up, making Roman grimace. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. “Oh, I’m so glad you asked, my dear Creativity! Morality, you’ll  _ love  _ this.” The liar turns to Patton with a fanged grin. Patton winces but stands his ground. “Nothing so horrible, Roman, no need to be such a pessimist. I was just retrieving something for an old friend.”

The gloves move apart to reveal a giant, hairy tarantula.

Patton nearly trips over his own feet trying to get away from Deceit, screaming so loudly that Roman can feel his ears ringing. Logan is glaring over Roman’s head at Patton. Deceit looks thrilled. “What’s wrong, Morality?” he asks, sounding for all the world like a worried friend. Roman wants to make him shut up. “It’s  _ Virgil’s,  _ didn’t you know?”

He definitely wants to make him shut up. Patton actually starts tearing up. “W-What?”

Deceit frowns at him with pity. “Oh, he never told you? That’s odd. I thought you were  _ family _ .”

The two-faced bastard sounds  _ smug.  _ “We  _ are  _ his family, you slippery fiend! He would’ve told us if he had a pet!”

“Oh, but  _ Roman _ ….he  _ didn’t _ . I have the proof right here.”

Patton’s hands are shaking again. “Why wouldn’t he?” he whispers. 

“Morality…” Deceit sighs, shaking his head. “ _ You already know why _ .”

Patton’s tears start to spill over, and in the next moment he’s gone, probably sunk out to his room. Roman stands up with the sword at the ready, but Logan puts an arm out to stop him again. God, if the nerd would just let him get to the snake, they’d already have Virgil back, safe and sound. Instead he’s stuck down there with  _ Remus _ , and Deceit looks like he just won a huge poker game, grinning at them shamelessly.

_ How dare he imply Virgil didn’t trust  _ us _ , when  _ he’s  _ the one who gave him trust issues in the first place. Virgil would’ve told us. _

_ ….Wouldn’t he? _

Logan gives him a long look, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Eventually, Roman caves and sits back down, but his whole body is tense and he never once looks away from the snake sitting on their couch. He’s not getting through that door. 

“Sooooo...how much longer are you two incompetent fools going to waste my time? I do have business to attend to.”

That seems to get to Logan a bit. The nerd glares at Deceit, who smiles. “You can get right back to work as soon as you give him back.”

The smile drops off the snake’s face, replaced by annoyance. “God, all of you! So repetitive! I’ve tried to spell it out in the most  _ simple _ terms, but it’s like talking to a brick wall!”

Roman scowls. “Just open the door already, Dr. Jekyll and—”

“ _ Mr. Lied, _ ” Deceit interrupts in a perfect imitation of Roman’s voice. He’s propping the scaled side of his face up on one hand (which he apparently has six of,  _ what the actual hell _ ). “I  _ know _ , you’ve only used that one, hm...thirty times? I would think you could come up with something new, but I suppose I expected too much.” 

Roman glares at the villain with all the hatred he holds for him, but Deceit just blinks back, looking bored. The tarantula’s in his lap, and the way he’s petting it definitely doesn’t help the whole Bond villain vibe he’s got going on. 

“You know,” Deceit starts saying, a smile curling his lips. That’s never a good sign. “I still remember the day our dear Virgil got this little beast.” He pauses, as if waiting for them to respond, but both of them stay silent. Deceit looks annoyed for a split second before it transforms back into smugness. “He found a book on spiders, and began insisting he wanted one. I told him no, but Remus went behind my back and conjured one up for him. A special one that would never die...one that could be a companion of sorts. Anxiety was terribly lonely as a child. Not that any of you cared back then.”

Roman takes several deep breaths. Deceit’s a liar and a manipulator. His words mean nothing. 

But Logan is tensing up next to him.

“It’s funny, really,” Deceit continues with a smirk on his face, “if you think about it. Poor little Virgil was so desperate to be accepted, to have your company, and yet...even after he left us, he never showed you his spider. I wonder why?”

“Shut up,” Logan interjects, but his voice wavers a bit. Roman’s hands curl into fists, watching him closely.  _ Don’t let him get to you. He’s a liar.  _

Deceit laughs, carefully lifting the tarantula into the air and examining it. Roman would almost call it fond, but it’s clear this is one big act for him. “Why, Logic? I didn’t take you for the type to hide from the truth just because it’s harsh. Facts over feelings, isn’t that your whole thing?”

“ _ You’re a liar _ .”

“I  _ can  _ tell the truth. You know this, so why are you playing dumb?”

Logan clenches his jaw.

“Oh, you  _ poor  _ thing. Did sentiment finally cloud your judgement?” Deceit sighed. “I suppose you’ve outgrown your purpose...”

And then Roman’s alone, the sole barrier between the snake and his exit. Next time he sees the other two, he’s gonna chew them out for ditching him like this.

Deceit looks up from the spider. Roman thinks he very much resembles the dragons in the Imagination in this moment— predatory, dangerous, and far too smart for Roman’s wellbeing. 

Roman meets Deceit’s menacing gaze with his own, gripping the sword tighter. He’s  _ not getting through that door _ , god damn it. 

Roman’s stomach growls. It must be late in the afternoon by now, but Patton’s still nowhere to be seen, so he supposes they won’t be having dinner tonight anyways. Deceit glances over at him, the same infuriating look of amusement on his face.

“Poor thing. It’s been ages since breakfast, hasn’t it? You really should go eat something.”

Roman scoffs at him. Why does everyone think he’s a total idiot?

“No need to be rude, I’m just looking out for you,” the snake pouts. 

“You’re not even capable of caring about someone else, you fiend.”

Deceit’s eyes turn sharp. Roman has to restrain himself from cowering. The snake’s mouth curls up into the same smile he used to scare away Patton, and the two long fangs seem to shine. “Oh, really now?” He sneers. His eyes don’t match his smile, and his voice doesn’t match his eyes, and to be honest it’s freaking Roman out. 

Regardless, he holds his head high. “Yes, really.” A thought hits him, and then he’s standing and pointing his sword at the snake. “Virgil’s just a child right now, he can’t make his own food and you know that! You really are a heartless bastard, leaving him to starve just so you can be an asshole—”

Roman’s own hand shuts him up for the second time that day. Deceit’s smile has dropped off his face, but Roman can’t tell if that’s better or worse. “Excuse me?” The snake’s voice is a low whisper with so much anger simmering underneath it that Roman’s hand shakes a bit. Definitely worse. 

He tries to snark back “You heard me”, but it's too muffled by his hand. If looks could kill, the smarmy scoundrel on the couch would be dead a million times over. 

This time, Deceit doesn’t even look amused by his inability to talk back. He just looks pissed off. “Remus is with him, you insufferable chauvinist.” He hisses. For a brief second, Roman fears there’s actual venom in those fangs, and that the snake’s gonna kill him with it in about three seconds. “I do not care what you three idiots think of me or Remus,  _ we are his family. That is his home.  _ We have always done everything for Anxiety, and this time around we will do even more. I  _ get it,  _ I  _ failed  _ last time. I will not repeat those mistakes.” 

Deceit seems...genuinely upset. Shaken up, even. It’s way, way worse than the evil laughing he’s been doing all day. 

Not for the first time in the past day, he thinks of Virgil’s scared little face peeking over the snake’s shoulder, and guilt churns in his gut. 

Deceit seems to realize his change of tone, and immediately his face goes blank. Roman’s really not sure what he’d prefer at this point. The snake stares at him for a while, like he’s trying to decide something. Eventually, Roman hears a long hiss that might have been a deep breath. “If you steal that child purely based on your ridiculous biases,” Deceit begins, biting the words out through gritted teeth. “I will make your lives a living  _ hell _ . You say I traumatized him, and then you make plans to kidnap him. Try it, and I’ll let Remus do whatever he likes to all of you.”

Roman isn’t even phased by the mention of his twin, because all he can see is Virgil’s face, confused and scared and  _ terrified and alone _ —

_ Virgil’s face, scared and defensive, closing off at the tiniest remarks.  _

_ Virgil’s face, scared and nervous every time he said anything. _

_ Virgil’s face, finally relaxed and laughing along with them. _

The snake gets off the couch, but everything’s so hazy and all he can see is  _ Virgil _ . Everything else feels distant. Unreal. All that matters is Virgil. He already hurt him so much, back at the beginning, he  _ needs  _ to fix the past—

The door closes behind him. 

It’s so hard to get his eyes to focus back in on reality, but with great effort he manages to make the room less blurry.

The  _ empty _ room.

Is he doomed to fail Virgil forever, over and over and over? 

The floor is suddenly so much closer, and Roman realizes he’s fallen back down to his knees. The sword is lying next to him. He must’ve dropped it at some point.

_ Failure,  _ his mind screams.  _ Failure failure failure failure. _


	12. Everything's Okay :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad came back from the store!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and sweet reunion chapter to make up for the absolute disaster that was the last chapter haha
> 
> I'm going to be posting a cute little Christmas one-shot, so check back in on the 25th if you're interested in reading that! It's pure family fluff :)   
> I CAN write happy stuff, I promise

_ Anxiety peered up at Dee’s bookshelf. “How do you even reach the books up at the top?” He asked quietly, trying not to disturb his friend next to him. “That’s way too high up.” _

_ Dee looked up from his book. Anxiety was relieved that he only seemed a little annoyed at being interrupted. “Does it matter?” _

_ “Don’t be like that,” he pouted. “I just wanna know.” _

_ Dee eyed him up, and then he turned away to start reading again. “It’s not important, Anxiety. Why don’t you go check on Remus?” _

_ It was a clear dismissal. Anxiety stuck his tongue out at him before getting up and leaving. Dee was always so difficult! _

_ When he finally found Rem and complained about it, Rem eagerly suggested they get back at him somehow. They waited until Dee went to bed. (Which was as soon as it got dark out; Dee really did act like an old man). Then Rem let Anxiety climb up onto his shoulders so he could grab one of the books from the highest shelf. It ended up being really heavy, and Anxiety almost dropped it on Rem’s head a couple times. He apologized a hundred times, but Rem just kept laughing like it was the funniest thing in the whole world.  _

_ The book ended up being all about spiders. Both of them were confused— Dee liked snakes, and that was as far as his interest in animals went— but they shrugged it off. They were still too happy about stealing one of Dee’s books. Their snickering was getting kinda loud, and they quickly ran off to Rem’s room so they wouldn’t wake up their victim.  _

_ Even though Rem spent the whole night making gross comments about what they read, Anxiety found himself thinking spiders were the most perfect creatures to ever exist. They were smart, and creepy looking, and they could do such cool things. Anxiety wished he could make webs to catch bugs and stuff.  _

_ And then Rem mentioned that they sell them as pets, and Anxiety decided he needed one that he could keep forever and ever.  _

* * *

Anxiety starts dozing off on Rem’s shoulder (he’d switched out the weird frilly costume for a comfy sweatshirt), but the second he hears the door click open, he’s wide awake and already halfway across the room. Dee walks in and closes the door behind him like there’s a monster chasing him. Even though the scales make it hard to see, Dee’s clearly exhausted and super stressed out... _ was  _ he being chased by a monster?

Frowning, Anxiety stops a few feet away. He never thought he’d say this, but all he wants is for Dee to pick him up and hold him and never ever let go. Anxiety thought he was  _ dead _ , or  _ dying _ , or lost and starving, all alone. He just wants to know Dee’s okay, and that he’s never leaving them like that again. 

He just wants everything to be okay. Why isn’t anything okay anymore?

Dee has the same distant look he had earlier, when Anxiety said something wrong. Luckily it doesn’t last so long this time. “Oh, little spider,” Dee whispers, his whole body slumping like a puppet with its strings cut. A weak smile crosses his face. “I have a present for you, darling.”

_ Present? _ Anxiety bites his lip, confused and still terrified, but Dee’s looking at him desperately, so he walks forward. Dee’s smile grows a little stronger. It makes Anxiety feel a little less scared. Only a little, though. “Here,” Dee murmurs, crouching and holding his hands out in front of him. 

It takes Anxiety a moment to realize what he’s looking at. “Charlotte!” He cheers, all of his fears forgotten for right now. Trying not to bounce too much, he reaches out and gently takes his beloved pet from Dee. Charlotte must have missed him too, because she starts crawling up his arm immediately. “You can’t hide in the light side,” he tries to scold, but he’s giggling too much. 

There’s voices above him. Anxiety realizes with a start that Rem has walked up behind him, and now he and Dee are talking.

Although...it seems more like they’re arguing. 

“Dee?” He calls out hesitantly. Both of them instantly stop talking and look down at him. 

Dee’s face softens into that sappy smile, and Anxiety doesn’t think he’s ever felt more relieved in his life. “Yes, my little stormcloud?”

God, he’s gonna regret this later, but right now he just wants  _ Dee _ . Using his most powerful puppy-dog eyes, he reaches up and makes grabby hands.

Dee looks even more delighted than he did last time, because he  _ knows  _ Anxiety’s not asking for food. Still, Anxiety doesn’t say anything when Dee picks him up and holds him to his chest with two pairs of arms. He just rests his head on Dee’s shoulder and lets the sound of his heartbeat calm him. It’s a little too fast, but that’s okay. He’s scared, too. 

Dee doesn’t even tease him. Neither does Rem, surprisingly. The three of them just stand there, happy to be safe and close. 

Anxiety doesn’t know how long it is, but eventually Dee pulls away to look at him, looking really scared again. “Did you eat, stormcloud? I’m so sorry I—”

“We ate,” Rem interrupts, putting one of his hands on Dee’s other shoulder. His other hand ruffles Anxiety’s hair. Anxiety squirms away, which makes both of them laugh. It’s like all the terrible feelings that have been suffocating him all day just disappear, suddenly meaningless because they’re together and happy and  _ safe _ . He even has Charlotte back! 

Everything’s okay.

_ Don’t lie to yourself _ , Dee’s voice reminds him. Anxiety shoves it away angrily.

_ Everything’s okay _ . 

Dee says something about it being time for bed (is it really that late already?), and then they’re off to his room. He still stays quiet, happy to stay cuddled up to Dee. Safe. They’re all safe. He only really speaks up to tell Rem to tuck Charlotte in for him, which Rem happily agrees to do. 

He isn’t really paying attention to the story Dee reads to him. Everything’s fuzzy. In a good way. But then Dee kisses his forehead and gets off the bed, which means he’s  _ leaving _ , and he’s  _ never allowed to leave them ever again _ . One of his small hands grabs onto Dee’s sleeve before he can think about it. 

Dee looks startled, but when he sees Anxiety’s face (what face is he making?), it softens into concern. “What’s wrong, darling?” He coos, brushing one hand through Anxiety’s bangs. Anxiety leans into the touch greedily. 

“...Stay?” He pleads, using his best puppy-dog eyes again. If Dee leaves the room, he won’t sleep at all tonight, and if he does, it’ll be full of really  _ really _ bad nightmares. 

Dee glances away, and Anxiety realizes Rem’s standing in the doorway again. They seem to have a silent conversation. It’s frustrating, this new habit of theirs of leaving him in the dark. But Rem leaves the doorway and then Dee’s climbing into bed with him, holding him close with all six arms, and all of Anxiety’s bad thoughts fade into the background.  _ Safe _ . 

He thinks he can hear Dee singing a lullaby, but it’s really quiet, like it’s super far away or muffled by a pillow or something. Anxiety yawns and lets himself curl into Dee’s embrace, both hands grabbing onto his clothes so he can’t leave. The arms around him tighten a little. 

_ Safe. _

_ We’re all okay.  _

Dee’s voice fades too, and then he’s asleep. 


	13. Just Dudes Being Bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus is simultaneously the best and worst friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky number 13!! Just a reminder that I wrote all of this platonically, but if you wanna read this chapter as romantic, be my guest haha
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy! All comments & kudos are very appreciated <3

_ Virgil was getting too fixated on the light sides, and Janus was beginning to become concerned about it. This hadn’t been a problem until recently; growing up, he’d been able to keep Anxiety and Remus safe in the shadows, unknown to the three so-called good sides. High school had made Virgil’s influence too strong to mask any longer, and thus he had gotten close enough to see over the fence. His poor little spider was under the delusion that he could  _ befriend _ them or something. _

_ Janus didn’t want to be the bad guy. But  _ they  _ had made him into that, hadn’t they? He remembered exactly what their ‘family’ had been like _ — _ they’d stifled him and then they shoved him away, into the shadows that he’d been forced to make into a home. He wouldn't let them hurt Virgil like that.  _

_ (No, he wasn’t jealous or bitter at all. It’s not like  _ he  _ had devoted his time to caring for Anxiety, only to have him seek out the affection of the very people who cast them aside.) _

_ This was all to say, he needed to nip this issue in the bud. And he knew exactly how to do it. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, deceiving Virgil like that, but it was necessary; ironically, Janus would have to be the one to reveal the ugly truth.  _

* * *

He’s never been more grateful that Anxiety tends to drive himself into the ground; Remus is likely waiting for him, so getting out of the bed without waking the darling little monster up is essential. The poor thing really needs sleep. 

Janus is sure he looks like hell, but the second he walked through their door, all his concerns were redirected to his family. Anxiety looked like he’d been on edge all day (which he probably  _ had _ been, Janus notes with no lack of guilt). Remus...is pissed at him, that much is clear. Janus can’t say he blames him. If Remus had caused their little stormcloud so much distress, intentionally or not, Janus would be pissed too.

Leaving one nightlight on in case Anxiety wakes up, Janus leaves the room silently. He allows himself one more look at Anxiety, curled up peacefully in bed, before marching off to the living room. 

Remus is on top of the bookshelf, for whatever reason. With the way he’s crouching on all fours, green eyes glinting in the shadows, Janus would assume it’s some sort of intimidation tactic. An ineffective one, if so, because Janus has seen  _ far  _ worse on a daily basis. 

“Why.”

Janus sighs deeply, resting his hat on a side table and taking a seat on his armchair. Remus watches every movement intently. “They were being difficult, blocking the door. It took a lot of talking to get through their thick skulls.”

“They had you cornered all day, and then they just let you through after a lil’ badgering?”

“More or less,” Janus hums, slowly removing his capelet. It suddenly feels too heavy on his shoulders. Everything feels too heavy. “Morality didn’t take long. Logic was harder to break.”

“...Roman?” Remus’ voice is deathly quiet, and it makes Janus involuntarily tense up.

“Roman was the main... _ issue _ . Insufferably stubborn.”

Janus can almost see the dangerous, frenetic energy surrounding Remus’ crouched figure. If he were to indulge himself in melodramatic prose, Janus would say it resembles a dark creature with its own violent goals. 

“Remus,” he calls out softly. The shadows recede a bit, Remus blinking down at him as if he forgot he isn’t alone. Janus offers up a bitter smile. “I truly am sorry about today. If it had been an option, I would have simply shoved them aside and returned as soon as possible. I had been hoping it wouldn’t even be half an hour, I...I did not mean to lie to Anxiety.”

“...I know, Jannie,” Remus mumbles. “It’s okay.”

“You aren’t obligated to forgive me, Remus.”

Remus groans loudly, and then the shadows are gone and there’s a heavy weight on Janus’ lap. Remus is sprawled out on top of him, one sharpened nail poking at his scales. “I  _ know _ , Jannie,” he repeats with an eye-roll. Janus feels his mouth twitch upwards as he shoves the other’s hand away. 

The grin that forms on Remus’ face is half-dead, but it’s still a good sign. 

Janus allows himself to relax a little. “What did you do with Charlotte?” 

There’s a flicker of life in Remus’ eyes for a moment. “I made her a new little home. Vee’s gonna love it, it’s got lots of plants and rocks and shit for her to hide in. Spiders really like hiding spots.”

Janus hums to let him know he’s listening, one hand idly wiping away a bit of smeared eyeshadow from the duke’s cheek. 

“Hey, Jay-jay?”

“Hm?”

“D’you think they’ll try to kidnap him?”

The hand Janus has rested on the couch arm curls into a fist. “They’d be dumber than I thought if they did,” he hisses. Remus twitches. Janus relaxes his hand and rests it in Remus’ hair instead; the duke has never used a hairbrush (not in the proper manner, anyways), so Janus combs through the mess with his fingers whenever Remus needs comfort. A noise that’s vaguely like a croaky cat purr makes its way from the back of Remus’ throat.

“They think we’re bad for him.” Remus states matter-of-factly, but Janus knows him well enough to detect the hurt underneath it. 

Caring for little Virgil is clearly making him soft, because when he goes to reassure Remus, his voice has the same tone as when he was reading Anxiety his bedtime story. “We’re not, I promise you that. We never hurt him.”

Remus looks up at him, and Janus feels his gut twist painfully in response to the emotion in those eyes. The only one he can definitively recognize is suspicion; it’s one he’s bitterly familiar with. “You sure about that, Dee?” Remus asks. His voice is soft too, but not in a good way by any means. 

Janus feels his jaw clench so tightly that there’s a twinge of pain. Remus is justified in asking, of course...and that’s what makes it sting all the worse, isn’t it? Janus is a snake, so inherently unreliable that even his oldest friend doesn't entirely believe his words. He takes a deep breath. It simply won’t do to show his messy emotions on his sleeve. “I’m reasonably certain,” he manages to say calmly, one hand still carding through Remus’ curls. “That’s as sure as I can be, given the circumstances. It’s not as if we can ask Virgil anymore.”

“What if we could?” Remus pops his head up, his eyes alight and his breath quick. Whatever he’s about to say is something that’s been rolling around in his head for awhile, which is never a good sign. “We dunno how this happened or why, y’know? What if it’s only for a little bit ‘n then one day we wake up and Virgin’s  _ poof!  _ back to normal—”

There’s a thud, and then Janus blinks and Remus is on the floor instead of the couch. It takes a few moments for him to process what happened; his own breaths are suddenly labored, and Remus is staring up at him with wide eyes that hold an emotion he doesn’t want to think about. “Don’t,” he chokes out without even meaning to open his mouth. The words just roll off his tongue, fuelled by whatever entity is clouding Janus’ mind right now. “ _ Don’t you dare say things like that. _ ”

Remus moves his mouth, but to both of their shock, no noise comes out. When it sinks in that Janus has one of his fists clenched in the air, his power tangible, he flinches and releases his hold immediately. The damage is already done. Remus just stares at him from the floor now, so blankly that Janus can’t even begin to guess what he’s thinking. It’s a novel feeling. He doesn’t like it very much.

He can  _ feel  _ his mind’s impersonation of Virgil start to stir, undoubtedly manifesting all the horrified thoughts racing through his subconscious, and he shoves it away furiously. It was an endearing indulgence of nostalgia for his old friend, but it needs to end now. He  _ has Virgil again _ , right here  _ at home  _ where he belongs— there’s no point in thinking about their past selves, unless it’s to help him in the  _ present _ . 

Remus still hasn’t spoken. He feels metaphorically vivisected, though it’s entirely possible that it could become literal considering who he’s sitting with. 

“Remus…”

Remus blinks a couple times, but the hollowness doesn’t fade from his eyes. Usually he’s an open book, never bothering to lie or hide things because he doesn’t know shame; it’s especially painful to see  _ him _ of all people shut down like this. “Yeah?”

Distantly, Janus remembers how Virgil used to come crying to him from nightmares, and then how those visits got more and more seldom until Virgil avoided his room altogether. He’d always told himself it was the light sides getting into his head. That it had nothing to do with him.

_ Such a fool,  _ his mind hisses.  _ Who knew you could lie to yourself so easily and not even realize until now? Lord of the Lies, my ass. You’re nothing more than the monster they all see you as. _

His thoughts stutter to a sharp stop.  _ Were they actually right? Did I drive him away?  _

“Dee.”

Remus. Oh God,  _ Remus _ , has he already messed up with him too? Will he leave? Will he have to explain to little Anxiety that it’s his fault they’re alone down here?

“Jan, come on. Breathe.”

_ Do I deserve that? Do I deserve to take care of Anxiety? I couldn’t do it right last time, how do I know I won’t do even worse on the second try? _

“ **Janus.** ”

Janus’ eyes fly open to Remus’ face barely two inches from his own. Under normal circumstances, he’d flinch away and hit Remus where it hurts. But right now the duke has two hands firmly holding him by the shoulders, and he’s counting out a familiar rhythm that Janus’ brain involuntarily latches onto. 

As soon as he has himself back under control, he quickly checks his face for tears. He finds no signs that he’s been crying and slumps in relief. Crying is such a tedious, pitiful ordeal.

Unfortunately, Remus is still looking at him far too sadly. Janus shrugs the duke’s hands off of his shoulders, setting his face into a standoffish scowl. “I’m fine,” he tries to say evenly. It comes out as more of a hiss. “Don’t worry.”

Remus quirks an eyebrow at him.

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” Janus repeats, stiffly standing up and brushing his pants off. Some people might call it a nervous habit, but Janus would readily argue that it’s simply a result of living with Remus. God only knows what’s on their floor. Or their couch, for that matter. Grimacing, he makes a mental note to deep clean their common area again, just to be safe. 

He can feel Remus still staring up at him with that touchingly— no,  _ infuriatingly  _ forlorn expression, like he can see right through Janus and is sad at what he’s found. Janus returns it with a flash of sharp teeth that’s barely a smile. “Right, well,” he bites out with forced cheerfulness, “I’ve had an awfully long day, and tomorrow I will have to make it up to Anxiety, so I really should be going to bed now. Goodnight, Remus.”

Remus doesn’t say anything as Janus walks out and down the hallway. Doesn’t get up off the floor to follow him, doesn’t try to confront him about all the ways he’s fucked up today, or even all the ways he’s fucked up just in the past ten minutes. 

But even as Janus closes his door behind him and takes a deep breath, he can swear he feels Remus’ judging eyes on the back of his neck. 


	14. Oh my GOD Anxiety, just GO TO SLEEP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse before it gets better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Seriously this story isn't all angst, it's just gotta get bad before it can be fluffy. I promise sdjkhjk)
> 
> If this is hard to read, sorry in advance! It's from the perspective of a scared little kid so like...it's gonna be a bit scattered haha. Hope you enjoy!

_ “There’s other sides?” Anxiety gasped, looking at the other two in disbelief. Rem refused to look at him, scowling at something in the corner, and Deceit wasn’t any more helpful. Apparently this was something he wasn’t supposed to know about. Cold dread curled around him, making it hard not to cry. How long had they both been hiding this from him? How long had they planned to keep him in the dark? _

_ Even as Anxiety trembled, Deceit spoke like nothing was out of the ordinary. “Yes, there’s three others. Logic, Morality, and Whimsy.” _

_ Rem growled suddenly. Anxiety glanced at him, worried, but Deceit didn’t react to it.  _

_ “You’ll never meet them,” he continued. “They are cruel, close-minded people. They are the reason we live alone down here, in the shadows; we’re different, so they think we’re monsters, and they locked us away.” As he spoke, Anxiety could see him dig his fingers into his arms, and could hear his voice become more strained. Deceit caught him looking and was suddenly a blank slate again. Anxiety tried his best not to let his discomfort show on his face. “You will never meet them,” Deceit repeated, softer this time. Anxiety realized he was trying to comfort him. Did he think Anxiety was afraid of them, not him? “I’ll keep us safe.” _

_ “Safe,” he echoed. The sound of his own voice startled him. He hadn’t meant to talk.  _

_ Deceit looked less tense though, so Anxiety made himself relax too. He even offered Anxiety a lopsided grin and held a hand out to help him off the floor. Anxiety hesitated for a second, but looking up at Dee, all he could see was the same kind face that had found him five months ago and brought him home. With a shaky smile, Anxiety took his hand. _

* * *

He’s so tired that he can’t even open his eyes, but Anxiety still wakes up as soon as Dee’s comforting arms are gone. A whine almost gets out of his mouth before he gets himself under control. Dee doesn’t have to know he’s awake; after all, this would be a great chance to see what their secret arguments are about. His mouth curls into a smirk, safely hidden in the dark. 

All of the stress over Dee leaving melts away, leaving behind spiteful determination. They still wanna baby him? Fine. Anxiety can figure stuff out all by himself, then. 

As soon as his door closes, he hops out of bed and crosses the room, ignoring the way his body begs him to go back to sleep. Sleep’s gotta wait. The door creaks when he starts to open it, and the fear that spikes through him gets rid of any sleepiness he still had. Heart racing, he stands frozen, waiting for Dee or Rem to come catch him red-handed and lecture him about something or another. Nothing happens. He carefully opens the door a little more, slipping out silently and following the sound of his family’s voices. 

“Roman was the main... _ issue _ . Insufferably stubborn.” Roman? Must be one of the light sides. Did Dee have to fight ‘em to get back home? Anxiety bites his lip, pushing away images of bruises and blood. 

Peeking his head cautiously around the corner, he can see Dee and Rem on the couch, cuddling. He hears Rem mention Charlotte, something about getting her a nice new home, and Anxiety smiles to himself. They’re both still such softies, even if they act so different now. It’s a small comfort. 

“D’you think they’ll try to kidnap him?” Fear grabs at him again, more harsh this time. It takes all his strength to not start panicking right there. His hands, braced against the doorway, tremble, and it’s really hard to breathe, and he feels kinda sick. He makes himself stay hidden anyway. Dee can’t know. Dee’s keeping secrets, and Anxiety needs to figure out what’s wrong by himself. 

Suspicion creeps into Rem’s voice, suspicion that Anxiety’s alarmed to realize is directed at  _ Dee.  _ Dee’s a liar, but he doesn’t lie to  _ them _ ! Ree remembers that, right? Dee promised to never ever betray their trust, and he never has!

...Right? He's missing too much information to know for sure, he realizes; frustration builds up in his head. 

Among the muffled talking, he manages to make out a name: Virgil (or Virgin?). Is that another light side? The way they’re talking...it sounds like Virgil’s dead. Anxiety didn’t know they even _could_ die. The trembling gets worse.

There’s a thud.

Startled out of his thoughts, Anxiety quickly looks back into the living room. Rem...Rem’s on the floor. And Dee’s holding his arms out, one hand raised in a fist. Is— Is Dee about to  _ hit  _ him? Did he hit him already? Is that why Rem’s on the floor, looking at Dee like that? But...Dee’s  _ never  _ physical like that! The three of them had always fought, but only he and Ree roughoused with each other. Dee always hated that stuff, said words were better weapons. 

_ Breathe, little spider,  _ Dee’s voice murmurs into his ear. Shakily, he manages to block out his family and sit down with his back pressed against the wall, counting out his breaths like Dee taught him.  _ His  _ Dee, the kid who acted like an adult because he had to.  _ This  _ Dee has too many sharp edges and open cuts.  _ This  _ Dee hides things from him, and lost Ree’s trust, and  _ pushed Rem off the couch in anger _ . 

Miraculously, Anxiety manages to keep his crying muffled, barely noticing when Dee leaves the room. Anxiety watches him walk down the hall and into his room. He’s not sure what he’s expecting to find, but it still just feels  _ wrong  _ that he looks at Dee and doesn’t know what he’s thinking.  _ All  _ of this is wrong. He just wants things to be okay again. 

He wants his family back. 

“Vee?”

Anxiety startles, nearly hitting his head on the wall as he scrambles to get up. Rem’s voice is soft and worried, but his face still has the look he was sending Dee. The best word that comes to mind is ‘haunted’. And he called him that weird name again....Vee? The name Virgil pops back into his head, but his head hurts too much to make a connection. Whatever.  _ Whatever _ , there’s more important things to figure out. Like why they’re hiding things again. 

Ree looks really sad, though, so he’s gotta fix that first. Sniffling, he roughly scrubs away the tears with the sleeves of his hoodie and tries to smile. “Hey, Ree,” he says, wincing at how raspy his own voice is. It always sounds silly after he cries, kinda like a frog. “Would you mind staying with me? Can’t sleep.”

Rem looks down at him with his mouth pressed into a thin line, eyes lit up with something Anxiety can’t figure out. It’s scary.  _ Rem  _ is scary. But Anxiety’s not scared of him, and he never will be. He trusts Rem.

And he trusts Dee.

_ If you repeat something enough, it becomes true.  _

It’s pretty clear Rem knows he’s up to something, but thankfully he just scoops Anxiety up and starts walking back to his room. “Sure thing, pipsqueak,” he chirps. He really must be a great actor, Anxiety thinks, because he genuinely doesn’t act like anything’s wrong. 

Anxiety’s not sure whether to be frustrated or grateful. Half of him wants to stomp and yell and demand they stop hiding everything from him. The other half wants to just curl up in Rem’s arms and play along with the act.

The other half wins out. He’s just so  _ tired _ . And it’s so nice to pretend everything’s okay, just for a little bit.

Rem must’ve already tucked him in, because next thing he knows, his bed is suddenly dipping on one side, and then there’s arms wrapping around him again. Breathing out a content sigh, Anxiety nuzzles his face into the soft fabric of Rem’s sweatshirt. He’d changed into comfier clothes again, for Anxiety. The thought makes him smile and curl up even closer.

“Sweet dreams, brat. Hopefully of guts and flies.” When Ree starts playing with his hair, he scratches instead of pets. It’s different. A nice sort of different. 

“I think the word you’re lookin’ for is nightmares, Ree,” he mumbles.

“Potato, tomato.”

Anxiety starts giggling, too sleepy to stop himself. “That’s not—” He’s interrupted by a big yawn, making him pout. “That’s  _ wrong. _ ” He waits a second, then adds, “And you’re stupid.”

Ree laughs, giving Anxiety a noogie with the hand he has on his head. Anxiety crinkles his nose and pushes at Rem’s face, but doesn’t try to pull away. He’s too warm. And comfy. “You wound me, you little monster!” Rem says sadly, hugging him even tighter. “Now you have to go to bed and have amazing dreams of mummification. You owe me.”

“We’re already going to bed,” he points out.

Ree flicks him on the forehead and he snickers. “Shut it.”

“Aye, aye. G’night, Ree.”

There’s gentle scratching on his head again. Anxiety smiles to himself, reaching out a hand to hold onto Rem’s hoodie— just to make sure he won’t leave him. It’s such soft fabric. He should ask Rem to make him one too. “Night, pipsqueak.”

Anxiety waits for Rem’s breaths to even out before finally letting himself slip under. 


	15. Enter: Rat Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duke has a surprising amount of Feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry about the wait! School is kicking my ass :'(
> 
> Second: Remus POV! Super fun to write, but might be a little more confusing to read? Sorry in advance if it is, I just didn't wanna water him down too much. That being said, there's a lot less dirty jokes than you might be expecting.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy! <3

_ Remus stuck his tongue out in concentration, squinting hard at the mirror as he willed his hand to create a perfect, sharp line. Then his door slammed open, making his hand twitch. _

_ One eye was killer, absolutely stunning really, but now the other one had a huge jagged black line running across it like those scars that movie villains had. Remus scowled, whirling around to face Virgil with his arms crossed. “You messed up my eyeliner!” He whined petulantly.  _

_ Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. “You mean you spent time on that?” _

_ Remus gasped in offense. When he reappeared right in front of Virgil and the emo had no reaction, he was honestly kinda proud. The times when Vee had been a scaredy-cat were so  _ boring _. And lonely. “You’re breaking my heart,” Remus simpered. Virgil immediately knew where he was going with that and grabbed both of his hands before they could summon a bloody internal organ. Remus returned his glower with a sharp grin.  _

_ “Listen,” Virgil sighed, letting go of Remus to wrap his arms around himself. “I need...help. With something.” _

_ That got his attention. Dropping the act, Remus leaned forward excitedly, bouncing on his tiptoes. “Ooooh, do tell, Vee!”  _

_ Virgil snorted at him. He walked past Remus and sat down on his bed after only a few moments of hesitation, shocking Remus even more; sure, Vee wasn’t a big wuss anymore, but he still always claimed Remus’ room was ‘too much’ for him. “I….” Virgil trailed off, picking at a loose thread on his hoodie. “I want you to help me with makeup.”  _

_ Remus blinked. And then he squealed, pleased at the way it made Virgil startle out of his mopey little pity-party. Quickly reappearing on his bed, he grabbed the emo by the shoulders and grinned. “What’re you thinkin’? Full glam? Gothic chic? Suburban mom with a hot, young sidepiece?” _

_ Virgil snickered, not bothering to push Remus away but still swatting at his face. Affectionately. “No, no, and definitely not,” he laughed. Biting his lip, he hesitantly continued without meeting Remus’ eyes. “I, uh, I just wanted to know how to do eyeshadow. So I could cover these up,” he muttered, gesturing to the dark bags under his eyes. Remus grimaced. Yeah, those weren’t helping the shitty Edward Cullen look Virgil had going on.  _

_ “You’re gonna cover up the dark circles with different dark circles?” _

_ Virgil glared at him. “It sounds stupid when you say it like that, asshole. I just...I want a sense of control over it. I hate them. I wanna pretend...it’s my choice to have them.” _

_ “...Wow, you’re really still stuck in the teen angst phase, huh? That was right out of one of your old poems, Virgin!” _

_ He got unceremoniously shoved off his own bed, laughing hysterically.  _

_ “I hate you. Just help me do some goddamn eyeshadow.” _

_ “As you wish,” Remus said with a crooked smile and a mocking bow. Virgil returned it with a smile of his own, albeit one with a lot more wariness.  _

_ Hours of experimenting later, they were sprawled out on Remus’ floor, whispering random, stupid things to each other as they procrastinated sleeping. At one point, Virgil quietly mentioned that he suspected Janus was tricking him somehow. Had been for a while, he said sadly. Remus laughed it off, told a dark joke that made Virgil laugh so hard that he forgot to be suspicious. Just for tonight.  _

_ Sometimes Remus really,  _ really _ wanted to rip Dee’s tongue out.  _

* * *

When Remus wakes up, his first instinct is to push the small body curled up next to him off of the bed, but luckily he has just enough restraint to not accidentally kill the kid. It would be a damn shame if he accidentally killed him. Anxiety’s the cutest little shit, somehow even cuter than he was last time, and Dee would totally strangle him. In a very not-sexy way. 

The thought of Janus brings the sour taste of candy to his mouth. He gags on it. 

Already dying of boredom from staying still, he decides to try and leave the room without waking the kid up. He knows damn well the little brat’s barely slept. It’s such a stark difference between the two Virgils; Old Virgil would have killed a man for just an extra minute of sleep, he was so desperate for it. This one resists sleeping at all.

Remus isn’t stupid, he knows that’s kinda their fault. The kid can tell they’re keeping a secret, no shit he’s trying to play Sherlock Holmes at night instead of sleeping. Not only does it get answers, it drives Dee up the wall with worry. 

Old Virgil had also loved spiting people he was annoyed with. Namely Dee. 

He allows himself two seconds of sappy nostalgia before he shuts that shit back down. Jan was a dick yesterday, yeah, but maybe he had a point. Maybe Remus should stop considering the possibility that this will be reversed. 

Looking down at this Anxiety’s cute little face, Remus isn’t really sure if he’d want it to. Especially when he gets off the bed and Anxiety suddenly makes a pathetically soft keening sound, a little hand reaching out and his tiny baby face scrunched up into a pout. If Remus didn’t know the brat was sleep deprived, he’d be cooing over him as obnoxiously as possible, waking him up just to see his grumpy little face. He’ll have to do it later. 

Right now he’s got a few more ideas for Charlotte’s terrarium that Vee’s gonna  _ love _ .

“Woah,” Anxiety breaths out with big ol’ anime eyes. It had only taken a minute after the kid woke up for him to demand to see Charlotte, and Remus had eagerly obliged. Grinning, he stands next to the upgraded terrarium like one of those gameshow ladies. He greedily memorizes Anxiety’s reaction; it’s so rare that his creations aren’t met with disgust or horror, so he likes to savor it when it happens. Like a nice, raw steak. 

Absentmindedly, he summons a steak and happily takes a bite out of it, still not looking away from Anxiety. “Ta-da!” He cheers with his mouth full. From behind Anxiety, Janus shoots him a reproachful look. He makes sure to chew extra noisily in response. 

“Is that...a waterfall?” Anxiety asks, still wide-eyed in amazement. 

“Yup! And a little spider-sized pool, with a ladder! For safety reasons. Just in case.”

Anxiety’s face slowly stretches into a grin. He makes a small squeaky noise and then he’s pressed up against the glass, bouncing excitedly on his tiptoes. “Charlotte?” Anxiety calls out into the jumble of plants and rocks. “D’you like it? Isn’t it cool?”

Remus never meant to make the spider extra intelligent, but it always had an uncanny ability to respond to Virgil. And only him. Remus suspected it was because he made the thing solely to give it to their resident arachnid-lover. 

Sure enough, Charlotte obediently crawls out from her hiding spot and right up to the glass where Virgil’s breath is fogging up the glass. Virgil— no,  _ Anxiety,  _ he’s gotta remember that— Anxiety giggles happily. “Is that a yes?”

Charlotte tries to crawl up one of the walls before seemingly giving up and going back to exploring. “I’d say that’s a yes,” Remus says, pretty proud of himself. Janus rolls his eyes, but Remus can see him trying to hide a fond smile. Big fucking sap.

“Why’s there a picture of a different spider taped to the glass?” Anxiety finally tears his eyes away from his spider, frowning in confusion. 

Remus tries not to laugh at his own little joke, he really does. Well, no, he really doesn’t. “That,  _ kleine Bedrohung _ ,” Remus snickers, “is for when fall rolls back ‘round.”

Remus preens under the two pairs of suspicious eyes glaring at him. One has a lot more venom in it than the other. 

“Y’know, for when Charlotte has certain needs. Remember that book we stole from Dee, alllll about spiders? How they eat their mates after they—”

“Remus,” Janus cuts in quickly with a sharp look that screams:  _ stop talking, you’re already so close to getting strangled.  _

With a saucy wink, Remus keeps talking. “As I was saying, they eat their mates, so I got her a picture instead! Can’t kill a picture!”

Janus is twitching with irritation, his face all twisted up in a way that makes him look like a cartoon-ified version of Scrooge. Maybe the Donald Duck version of Scrooge. 

“What’s bed-ro-hung mean, Ree?” Anxiety asks in a deceptively innocent voice, giving them both his puppy-dog eyes. It instantly makes Dee relax next to him. Oh. Oh, what a  _ devious _ little shit! Using emotions against his loved ones like that; god, they grow up so fast. Remus couldn’t be more proud of him. 

“I’m so glad you asked!” He happily takes the bait, shooting the kid a sly wink to let him know he’s in on the trick. Anxiety returns it with a pleased, very smug smirk. Janus is somehow none the wiser, apparently too relieved that Anxiety ignored Remus’ explanation entirely, and is now wearily walking into the kitchen to make food. 

“It means ‘pest’, or ‘plague’, or ‘menace’. Take your pick.” Remus explains once Jan is out of earshot. Bubbling over with pride, he simply  _ has to  _ hoist Anxiety up into the air and spin him around in celebration. “And you really proved me right, huh? You awful, awful child. You’re gonna give ol’ Dee a heart attack in the next month, I’ll bet on it.”

Anxiety’s scowling at him, but Remus can see the self-satisfied glimmer in his eyes. “I’m not a pest,” he protests, using his short stubby legs to try to push Remus away from him. When that doesn’t work, he resorts to getting a good kick to the ribs in. It’s truly precious. 

“You’re doin’ a piss-poor job of proving that,” Remus points out, tossing the kid up in the air to catch him again. He’s really so light. Like, he’s less heavy than a gallon of milk. That doesn’t _seem_ healthy, but Remus doesn’t know enough about kids to say for sure. 

Anxiety’s genuinely glaring at him now, trying to squirm out of his grasp with a furious pout on his face. Remus coos at him, earning another sharp kick, before he finally relents and lets the kid down. He doesn’t really care about getting hurt (shocker), but Dee’s already so wound up that if Anxiety’s even a little upset, he might lose his shit. A true mama bear. Mama snake? Well, snakes abandon their young, so probably not a great comparison. 

“Tell Dee I wanna eat on the couch today, so I can have breakfast with Charlotte,” Anxiety demands, flouncing off into the living room before Remus can say anything. Wow. Spoiled for two days and he’s already got a big head. 

Remus isn’t gonna piss Anxiety off, as fun as that sounds, so he turns and walks into the kitchen. Following directions, and from a toddler at that! Remus is tempted to make a rainy window so he can sadly ponder about his life choices next to it. 

Jan is sluggishly going through the movements of making pancakes. It’s kinda funny to watch, like really badly-done slo-mo. “Remus,” Dee calls out tiredly without looking back at him. “Please refrain from talking about things like that around the  _ eight year-old _ .” Remus opens his mouth to argue but Janus is somehow five steps ahead, even when sleep-deprived. “I don’t care if Virgil knew about stuff like that at this age, we’re trying to do  better  this time. A great start to that would be letting him keep _some_ childhood innocence.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Oh,  _ please, _ ” he drawls out, crossing his arms. “Dontcha think you’re bein’ a little dramatic? I’m just having a lil’ fun. I’m not traumatizing him.”

For some reason, that makes Janus flinch so hard that he almost drops the pancake batter. With a string of curses muttered under his breath, Dee immediately recollects himself and turns back to Remus stiffly. His face is cold, daring Remus to comment on it. 

Remus doesn’t like making smart decisions. “What the hell was that?” he comments. 

Jan looks incredibly ready to grab a knife from the block, but luckily Anxiety calls out for Dee to put chocolate chips in the pancakes, and the snake’s body slumps again. Ignoring Remus altogether, Janus swiftly grabs chocolate chips from one of the cupboards and adds it to the mix. 

“Cold shoulder?” Remus asks snidely, smiling at the annoyance that’s practically coming off of Dee in waves. “I’m hurt. Wounded. Devastated.”

“I got your little surprise, in case you were wondering,” Jan snipes back, flipping the pancakes way more aggressively than necessary. “Did you keep the gift receipt?”

Remus cackles. “Aww, you didn’t wike my gift? Me n’ Vee put so much time and thought into that! People these days, so ungrateful.”

Janus divides the pancakes up among the three plates in front of him, very purposefully not looking up at Remus. “No, I shockingly did  _ not  _ like the chain of doll heads that you left under my pillow. Frankly, I’m appalled that Anxiety would even agree to help with that.”

“You underestimate him. You always have,” Remus mumbles. Dee looks up at that, startled, so Remus forces a dopey smile on his face and changes topics. “Oh yeah, he wanted me to let you know that we’re eating breakfast in the living room. In honor of Charlotte’s return.”

They finally make eye contact, and Remus gets a twisted satisfaction from the exhaustion he finds there. “Of course,” Janus replies softly, giving Remus a strange look. When Remus just grins back at him until he gets uneasy, Jan finally relents and starts taking the plates to the living room. Remus hops off the counter and follows, content with his small revenges. 

“It’s black widows that eat their mates,” Dee remarks idly, not bothering to turn around. 

Remus easily takes it for the olive branch it is. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Don’t kill my parade.”


	16. I'm Not Okay, I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus is totally fine! Everything's fine! No worries!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling anxious about the quality of this chapter for no reason sdjksfk, hopefully it's decent

_ It was disappointing but unsurprising to find Virgil perched on the light sides’ kitchen counter, nervously holding a cookie like it might blow up any second. Janus raised an eyebrow at the scene. Virgil snuck out just to sit here and stare at a cookie?  _

_ Undoubtedly something to do with Morality. Janus ignored the sharp tinge of jealousy, busying himself with donning his disguise and getting ready for the scene. _

_ With an overly-loud yawn, Janus walked into the room and switched the light on. When he and Virgil made eye contact, he forced a startled squeak out of his throat. “Anxiety!” When he smiled, he didn’t bother making it seem genuine— the obvious strain would add to the intended effect. “What’re you, um, doing here? It’s pretty late.” _

_ Virgil looked like he wanted nothing more than to sink out. “I-um, I mean,” his stormcloud stuttered out. “You, uh...you said I could have a cookie. If I wanted.” _

Poor thing,  _ Janus mused to himself.  _ It’s a good thing I’m interfering now.

_ It wasn’t difficult to replicate the pitying expression Morality had wielded against him when they were children— wide eyes, an overdramatic pout, slight tilt of the head as if looking at a starved, disease-ridden puppy. “Oh, Anxiety,” he lilted, distinctly amused. “I wasn’t serious, I thought you knew that! I’m so sorry if I misled you....” _

_ Virgil stared back at him, mortified, his hands shaking so hard that Janus could see the crumbs falling to the floor. He winced. _

_ “Now now, it’s rude to leave a mess. Especially in someone else’s kitchen.” He scolded, planting his hands on his hips. The absence of his gloves almost made him jump in surprise.  _

_ His little stormcloud hurriedly hopped off the counter and swept up the crumbs.  _

_ “There you go!” Janus chirped, sickeningly sweet. When Virgil just stared up at him from the floor with a mix of shock and dread, Janus very purposefully ignored it. “Time to go back to bed, yeah?” He let his face stretch into a gap-toothed grin, fascinated by the lack of a reptilian mouth. “Back to your  _ own  _ home, hm?” _

_ Virgil took the cue. Janus loitered for a few more minutes before going back home to console the poor little spider, only leaving after carefully scanning for any evidence that they ever paid a visit.  _

* * *

Thankfully, Janus thinks he and Remus have closed the rift that’s formed between them, at least a little bit. The duke isn’t trembling with hostile energy anymore at least. Right now, the three of them are hanging out in the kitchen while Janus prepares dinner (which is a lovely homemade pizza, at the behest of Anxiety); normally this would be an endearing indication that they want to spend time with him, but, sadly, he knows they’re only sticking around because he explicitly told them to get out of the way while he worked. 

“Why d’you always want the chicken to be raw?”

“It tastes better raw!”

“No it doesn’t! It’s gross!”

“You’re still too young to appreciate the cultured palette I’ve perfected over the years.”

Anxiety snatches a tomato slice from Janus’ cutting tray and throws it at Remus’ face. 

Remus picks it up from where it had fallen on the floor and licks it, grinning at Anxiety’s melodramatic gagging. “Shouldn’t doubt your elders,” he cackles. Janus, safely facing away from them, allows himself a fond smile as he gathers the leftover ingredients.

“Eating raw meat makes you sick! I read it somewhere.”

“Always hated books,” Remus drawls in an inexplicable Southern accent, swinging his legs out onto the opposite counter to block Janus’ path. Janus summons an extra hand to hit him hard in the back of the knee, causing just enough of a flinch for him to slip past. 

“That’s ‘cause you’re dumb,” Anxiety declares. Janus notices the little monster stealing a bit of shredded cheese when he thinks they can’t see him, but decides not to scold him for it. There’s an odd sense of serenity over all of them right now, and he’s hesitant to risk disrupting it. 

“You’re literally eight.”

“Yet I’m  _ still  _ smarter than  _ you _ ,” Anxiety retorts with a shit-eating grin.

Remus puffs up like an angry bird. “Okay listen here you little sh—”

“Alright, I think it’s quiet time for both of you now,” Janus interrupts sharply. Both of them whip around to look at him like they forgot he’s in the room; hell, they probably did. He just barely resists looking heavenward to request an explanation for his affections for them. 

Remus makes an exaggerated ‘zipping up the lips’ motion before happily sprawling out on the countertop. Anxiety scowls at Remus when his feet get too close, and then he turns his puppy-like fury to Janus. The snake openly smiles this time. Right. That’s why. 

Chuckling softly, Janus turns around to make sure the oven is preheated. “Little spider, I’m sure Charlotte must be missing you. Why don’t you and Remus go entertain her?”

He can feel Anxiety’s glare burning through his back as he leans down to put the pizza in the oven. “You’re just tryin’ to get rid of us,” his stormcloud accuses, not sounding the least bit hurt. 

“No, of  _ course  _ not,” Janus drones. “It’s not like I told you both to go away several times already. I’m done working now anyways, nuisances are no longer needed.”

Anxiety snickers and turns to Remus. “Ree, we’re getting kicked out,” he says, pouting in mock dejection. Remus just shrugs, so Anxiety, ever so impatient, starts shaking his leg. “Come onnn, Dee said we already annoyed him. I wanna go play now.”

Remus groans. “You’re lucky you’re so small and adorable, ‘cause otherwise you’d be chimera chum by now.”

“I dunno what that means. Now get up!”

“Brat.”

“Degenerate.”

Janus’ eyebrows lift of their own accord. “What good word choice, my little spider!” He praises, clapping his hands together. Anxiety flushes bright red and shoots him a seething glare, but again, he just looks like a puppy, so Janus’ pleased smile doesn’t waver. 

Inexplicably, Remus bursts into laughter. Even more inexplicably, this seems to infuriate Anxiety even further. 

They end up play-fighting, Remus running around the kitchen and then eventually out the door with Anxiety hot on his heels. Perhaps if Janus weren’t so exhausted, he’d follow them and try to figure out what that was all about; that being said, Janus doubts he will ever be well-rested again. Laughing under his breath, he takes a seat at the empty table and savors the rare moment of solitude. He keeps an ear out in case Remus gets too rough with their little spider, but all he hears is bickering. 

He must start dozing off because the sound of something hitting the table nearly makes him fall out of his seat. Quickly shaking off the disorientation, Janus blinks at what’s now in front of him on the table— it’s a small envelope...a letter? From here, he thinks he can make out the ostentatious calligraphy that Roman favors. 

Scoffing, Janus snatches the envelope off the table and tears it open. This better be good. He had hoped his last visit would be enough to ward them off for a while, but the light sides never have been very cooperative, have they? Stupid to expect them to start now. 

The actual letter is little more than a piece of notebook paper with messy writing covering the whole page. Definitely from Roman, considering the many colorful threats, but Janus can also see the contributions of Morality and Logic. There’s even a repulsive little paragraph near the end of the page detailing some of Virgil’s  _ happiest moments _ . With  _ the light sides.  _ A pitiful plea to revive some of Virgil’s memories in his little Anxiety. 

Janus is painfully aware of the ugly feelings replacing the fragile warmth that had settled over them all this evening, his mouth involuntarily curling up into a sneer. The letter gets crushed in his hand, and then when that doesn’t make his paranoia ease, he rips it to shreds and throws it in the recycling. Even after he throws everything else in the bin on top of it, ensuring nobody will lay eyes on the damned thing, his gut still aches. He still wants to go grab Anxiety and hold him close. Hold him close so they can’t take him away again. 

His face feels weird. When he lifts a hand to his cheek, he realizes the human side of his face is crying. Weak laughter almost manages to bubble out of his throat, but luckily he’s still grounded enough to restrain himself. The sound would be on the verge of hysterical, and he doesn’t want to risk his family walking in to check on him right now. 

The sudden beeping of the oven doesn’t make him jump. Janus considers that a win. 

Tuning back into his surroundings, he can still hear the other two in the living room, quarreling over which pillow on their couch is superior. He closes his eyes, takes a steadying breath, and goes to fetch the pizza from the oven, calling out over his shoulder: “Degenerate, Anxiety, the pizza is done!”


	17. Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, guess who's being slowly killed by school!!! 😜 it's me haha 😎 someone save me pls
> 
> That's why updates are so slow suddenly, I'm sorry for the inconsistency :( This chapter is extra long and extra angsty, so hopefully that makes up for it! As always, hope you enjoy <3

_ Upon learning about Virgil’s...intense reaction to his brother, Roman was anxious to talk to him about it. Ha! Anxious, get it?  _

_ Not his best, he could admit.  _

_ He gave it a few weeks before approaching the subject; they  _ all  _ needed time to recuperate from the Duke’s little surprise visit, after all, and he really didn’t want to give Virgil another panic attack. Memories of the last incident still haunted him sometimes. So, he waited until the four of them were normal again, and then he popped the question. _

_ “So...what’s with you and the Duke?” _

_ He had tried to make his voice lighthearted, but clearly that wasn’t enough to soften the blow. Virgil’s head jerked up from where he’d been focused on drawing something, his face conveying anger, then fear, and finally, careful stoicism. “Why?” Virgil bit out, sounding for all the world like he wanted to kill Roman. _

_ Roman winced and held up his hands. “I, well, I heard about how much he freaked you out when he showed up, and I got, uh...worried, I guess. Sorry. You don’t have to answer or anything, I understand.” _

_ Virgil glared at him for a few moments like he was looking for something, then suddenly all the tension in his body disappeared. He refused to meet Roman’s eyes. “No, it’s—” The emo’s voice came out rough. He cleared his throat before continuing. “It’s fine. You’re good. I just...don’t wanna talk about it.” _

_ “That’s okay!” Roman exclaimed, trying to ease his friend’s nerves. “I get it, I really do. I mean, he  _ is  _ unfortunately my brother, I’ve had to deal with him more than I’d like, and oh boy, is he a piece of work, huh? Downright insufferable at times _ —”

_ “ _ **_Roman._ ** _ ” _

_ Roman instantly shut up. Virgil was silent next to him, and then, amazingly, he started to laugh. It wasn’t really warm or genuine, nor was it cold or faked.  _

_ Virgil turned to him, his mouth twitching up at the corners when he noticed Roman’s confusion. “Princey,” he said with obvious amusement. “You’re rambling. Miraculously, you’ve managed to find a way to sound even more idiotic.” _

_ Roman furrowed his brow and responded with indignance, but internally he was just relieved that the emo hadn’t bitten his head off. The past was always a sore subject with Virgil, Roman knew the risks in bringing it up.  _

_ He didn’t try to talk about the Duke again.  _

* * *

The few times he’d been in Logan’s room before (and that was  _ very  _ few times, he and Logan never got along much), Roman had blanched at the impersonal systematization of it. Everything was carefully organized, the only colors were dark blues and grays, and aside from a display of their academic accomplishments, there were no personal mementos. It was more barren than an Ikea display piece. 

Now, the floor’s barely visible under all their notes and plans. Most of the papers are barely written on, crumpled up and tossed aside by one of them without much thought. Things are torn open and abandoned, both of them too occupied to bother putting stuff away. They have so many ideas, and  _ none  _ of them seem to go  _ anywhere _ ; it’s quite possibly the most infuriating thing Roman’s ever experienced. 

The nerd hardly even seems to notice the disaster that his room’s become, and Roman can concede that it’s worrying. No, he and Logan have never gotten along, but  _ this  _ is...unnerving. Perhaps that’s a better word for it. Not concerning, just Weird with a capital W. 

That letter had felt like their only hope; they both knew there was no chance it would work, but goddamn it, it was the  _ only  _ thing they’d managed to come up with. The days after were spent in tense, hopeless waiting, before they finally had to give up on it. Now, Logan’s sitting at his desk muttering to himself, and Roman knows there’s only one viable option left. He can’t tell the others, though— Logan will point out every flaw in it, and Patton, sweet gumdrop that he is, will try to do it himself. Roman shudders at the thought of Pat in such a vile place. 

He watches Logan with a grim expression for another few moments, then leaves. Logan doesn’t even pause in his frantic writing. 

“Ro, it’s okay! The letter didn’t work, but I’m sure you and Logan will come up with something. It’ll be okay, we just need patience.”

Roman looks over at Pat fondly. Their padre is now busying himself with fluffing the pillows on their couch, no doubt facing away so Roman can’t see the dark circles under his eyes. He’s not sure if Patton has slept at all this past week aside from the time Roman forced him to sit down for a second and he promptly passed out. Roman doesn’t miss the way Patton keeps returning to Virgil’s usual spot. 

“Yeah,” he laughs. “Everything will be okay.”

Roman closes his door behind him with a heavy sigh. Watching his family deteriorate like this is the most painful torture he could have ever imagined. 

All the mirrors in his room were turned around long ago. He’s told himself it’s a precaution, but he knows Remus boarded his side of the mirror up sometime when they were kids, with the very clear message that he wanted nothing to do with Roman anymore. It was quite a while later when Roman made all his mirrors turn away from him. All he would see is his own face, and that’s a much scarier possibility than seeing the Duke. 

But desperate times call for desperate measures. 

Roman sighs, walking over to the biggest mirror with great reluctance; it’s unnecessarily grand, taking up half the wall and framed with intricate golden dragons woven together by wildflowers. It’s exactly the type of thing Roman adores, so of course  _ this  _ is the one that leads to the Dark Side. 

He sighs again, flips it around, and steps through it before he can think too much about it. His guess was right; they’d both forgotten about this doorway, so they’d forgotten to seal it. The wooden boards on the Duke's side must have rotted and fallen off years ago, crunching pathetically under his boots. 

Holy tamales. 

He hasn’t been in his brother’s room since they were children, a fuzzy memory that does nothing to prepare Roman for what he’s standing in right now. 

What  _ is  _ he standing in? Oh god, did it just  _ squelch _ ? Ew, ew, ew, ew—did that wall just  _ bark at him _ ?! Roman can see more horrors lingering in his peripherals, so he quickly cups his hands around his eyes and hurries out of the room. He’s sure Remus wouldn’t even  _ mind  _ if he threw up Patton’s lovingly-made breakfast all over his floor, which is the worst part of all. What a disgusting, vile, repulsive—

Oh. 

He almost misses the small figure frozen in the hallway. Goodness, he’s  _ so small! _ Adult Virgil was easily the smallest of all of them, but still, Roman has to bite his cheek to stop himself from cooing at the little prince out loud. What a darling!

Virgil’s looking at him with open shock, eyes wide and— oh dear Apollo, is that a  _ Zero plushie _ ? Roman’s gonna die of cuteness. 

Wait, focus Princey. The poor thing’s clutching his plushie for dear life, eyes flickering between Roman and the end of the hallway. 

“Hey,” Roman tries to soothe, crouching down so they’re close to the same height. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here to help you.”

Virgil narrows his eyes in suspicion, hiding half his face in the plushie. “Who’re you?”

Roman smiles his most charming smile. “My name’s Roman. And you’re Virgil, right?”

That makes the kid stiffen, but he also stops glancing behind him every two seconds so Roman’s not sure whether to consider it the wrong move. It does mean the kid’s staring him down now, though. Which is...well, Roman would say it’s surprising that a child could be so intimidating, but this is  _ Virgil _ . Several tense moments pass before Virgil hesitantly replies “.....I’m Anxiety.” It’s muffled by the plushie. Roman offers up what he hopes is a comforting expression. 

“Anxiety, my bad.” The name feels bitter on his tongue, an uncomfortable reminder of the times before Virgil had been family. The times when Roman had tried his best to get rid of him. Thinking of it now makes the prince feel rather like a villain himself. “My bad,” he repeats without meaning to. 

Virgil takes a tiny step towards him, and Roman damn near lights up. “Um hi,” the mini killjoy murmurs with a shyness that Roman has rarely heard from him. Reluctance, yes. Fear, for sure. But seldom was he ever visibly flustered. 

“Hi,” Roman echoes, beaming. “How are you, little prince? We’re all really worried.”

“Little prince?” Virgil asks, nose scrunching up.

It’s adorable and Roman can’t help laughing. 

“That’s you, yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

Virgil squints at him for a couple seconds before apparently deciding that’s a good enough argument. “Who’s ‘we’?” He asks instead, most of the nervousness gone from his voice. 

“Me, Pat, and Logan. You remember us all a few days ago, right? Upstairs?”

Despite looking a bit confused, Virgil quickly nods. 

“That’s us. The three of us plus you, we’re the Light Sides.  _ This _ ,” he gestures around them, “is the Dark Side. Scary, right? It’s okay, I can take you back to the Light Side with me.”

Virgil takes a sharp step backwards, but he doesn’t really look any more scared than before. Roman internally breathes a sigh of relief. The fear that practically glowed in the kid‘s eyes last time is what haunts him the most about all of this. 

“‘S not scary,” Virgil argues. “I live here, with Dee and Rem.” 

“I know, little prince, but…” Roman bites his lip. How does one explain something like this to a child? Maybe he should have paid more attention when they were practicing how to lie all those years ago. “They...they aren’t who you think they are. I know they seem great, but I can promise you they are…well. They’re not great people. Me, Pat, and Logan, we’re your family, have been for awhile. You just don’t remember yet.” 

Virgil finally removes his face from the plushie, his little baby face set in determination. “What don’t I remember?” He demands, his voice just on the verge of desperation. 

“It’s...there’s a lot of stuff you don’t remember. We’ll tell you all about it when we’re safe back home, okay?”

Virgil’s eyes widen to a comical degree. “You’ll...you’ll just tell me? Just like that?”

“Of course! Anything you want to hear.”

“...Everything?”

“Everything, if that’s what you want.”

Another tiny step closer. Bolstered by confidence, Roman keeps talking. 

“We can sit down and explain everything, we have nothing to hide from you. Pat makes great cookies, you know. What are your favorite cookies? He’ll happily make a whole batch just for you.” Virgil’s oversized clothes make it hard to be sure, but Roman is fairly certain he shouldn’t be  _ this  _ small at this age. A new suspicion stabs into his heart. “You can eat as much as you want, little prince. Pat’s not the greatest cook, but he can try to make whatever you want!”

“Dee makes me food,” Virgil retorts, shuffling on his feet. 

“Yeah, but Pat can make you food, too. And we won’t  _ hide  _ anything from you. Pinky promise.”

Another tiny step forward. “...You had a sword,” Virgil says instead of actually responding. Roman laughs again.

“Yeah, I know, sorry about that. It was all just rather sudden and I got spooked, you know? The sword makes me feel a bit safer. But I won’t use it near you anymore, cross my heart.”

Wide eyes look up at him as if he just said something appalling. “You get scared?” Virgil asks like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. 

Bewildered, Roman just smiles and nods. “Of course, everyone gets scared sometimes. There’s no shame in it.” It’s an echo of the words he’d had to repeat to himself in the mirror for months before it finally stuck. Him and Virgil had both had to work on that complex for quite some time, at the request of a worried Patton of course. He smiles fondly at the memories. 

Another tiny step forward, almost within arm’s reach now. Virgil opens his mouth to say something else. Roman never hears what it is. 

“Anxiety? Are you alright?” Deceit’s voice calls out from just around the corner. Ice crawls down Roman’s spine with a cruel vengeance.  _ Time to be a hero. _ “It’s taking you an awfully long time to fetch that toy, I admittedly am getting a bit worried.” Roman can hear the snake quickly getting closer. 

In a frantic attempt at keeping Virgil out of danger, Roman reaches out and snatches the tiny emo up, To Roman’s pleasant surprise, all Virgil does is squeak in alarm and wriggle a bit. No biting or scratching. From what he’s seen so far, baby Virgil is somehow even more aggressive than adult Virgil, which is oddly rather endearing. 

He tries to sink out before he has to confront the villain or his brother, but to his horror he can’t. He tries again. And again. And again. But it’s like running into a brick wall over and over again. It’s like a few days ago, when they’d all tried so hard to find a break in the barrier keeping them from going to the Dark Side. 

Instinctively, Roman moves one hand to summon the sword before he freezes mid-motion. Right. He promised the little prince that he wouldn’t use it in front of him. Ugh, why does his endless selflessness always come back to bite him in the ass? The world is a cruel, cruel place indeed. 

The snake rounds the corner and immediately freezes in place. Virgil relaxes a bit in his arms, and Roman clenches his jaw in determination. Not again, god damnit. 

“Creativity.” Deceit bites out, condescension dripping from every syllable. “What a  _ pleasure  _ to see you here.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll be right on my way,” Roman bites back, holding Virgil just a bit closer. The snake’s eyes snap to the slight movement, instantly sharpening into something downright furious. 

“I don’t think so.”

Roman tries in vain to sink out again. He literally  _ just  _ told the kid that it’s okay to be afraid, so he’s forced to admit to himself that he’s pretty afraid right now. Deceit isn’t a force to be messed with if it can be avoided, and, unfortunately, it really can’t be avoided with Virgil involved. He has to protect his family. He has to protect Virgil.

He owes him that much, at least.

“Anxiety, darling, are you alright?” Even though the danger in the liar’s voice is still loud, the edges are all softened when he looks down at Virgil. Virgil stares back for a few moments, pursing his lips, and Roman thinks his doe eyes might be looking at Deceit with sadness. It’s very satisfying watching the snake squirm a bit under the scrutiny, getting more twitchy the longer the silence goes on. Finally, Virgil nods once and turns away to hide his face in Roman’s shirt. Roman tries really hard not to be smug about it. Now’s not the time. 

There’s a crashing sound from a few rooms away, and Roman is tensed up before Remus even pokes his stupid face around the corner. They lock eyes for a moment. Their eyes were the same color once upon a time, right after the split— a warm, dark brown. The gradual differences that grew between them should have been a red flag for what was to come, really, but all of them were a lot more naive back then.

Now, Remus’ eyes glow green, no sign of Roman’s brother in them. Just the Duke. Intrusive Thoughts. A damned madman. Remus has tried to kill him at least nine times since they separated, and any grief Roman held for their shared childhood is long since gone.

“Well, well, well,” the Duke’s nasally voice pipes up. “Look what the cat dragged in!”

Roman sneers back at him, subconsciously shifting so his body’s between them and Virgil. The little prince pops his head up, but doesn’t move or say anything. 

“Let Anxiety go,” Deceit cuts in. The snake’s a powerful side; Roman can feel the tug on his brain telling him he should listen, play along, everything will be okay. He grits his teeth.

“I don’t see him fighting me,” he throws back, allowing himself to be smug, just for one moment. It’s worth it to see the way the words seem to hit Deceit like a slap to the face. 

Remus steps forward, but one of Deceit’s arms shoots out and blocks him. The Duke makes an upset noise, almost like a growl; Deceit ignores him, his mismatched eyes busy drilling a hole through Roman’s skull. Virgil shifts in his arms just enough to see the two Dark Sides at the end of the hallway, awkwardly waving at them. “‘M okay, guys,” he mumbles into Roman’s shoulder. He’s started fidgeting again, and Roman can guess why. Poor thing, stuck down here with them all this time. 

Still holding back Remus, Deceit visibly softens for Virgil. He  _ never  _ acted this way towards their stormcloud before, not even in the rare times Virgil would indulge Roman's curiosity and share a memory from his time with them. That’s how he  _ knows  _ this is all a huge act. 

“Little spider,” Deceit murmurs, all velvet and honey. “Come here, darling. He’ll let you go if you ask him to. You just need to ask, and then you can go back and finish that movie with Remus, hm?” Virgil’s little brow furrows like he’s conflicted, and he makes no move to speak or get down. Deceit falters for a split second. “You would hate not knowing how it ends, wouldn’t you?” 

Virgil’s face suddenly turns upset, shocking all three of them. “Yeah. I  _ hate  _ not knowin’ stuff,  _ Dee. _ ” He enunciates with a strange hurt underneath it. 

“I...pardon, stormcloud, I’m not sure I understand—”

“Yes you do,” Virgil snaps, eyes welling up with tears. Roman wishes he could just sink out, take the little prince home and get him some homemade cookies. Away from this dungeon. Away from  _ these two _ , who have  _ clearly  _ been hurting him all over again. And it’s only been a few days! 

“I don’t, sweetheart. Please, just—”

“Why can’t you just  _ tell me _ ?” Virgil blurts out, pretty damn close to actually crying.  _ “He  _ said he’d tell me  _ everything _ , just like that. Why d’you always have to hide stuff?  _ Why can’t I know? _ ”

Deceit blanches, stepping back as if he’d just been hit. Remus is eerily silent, clutching the corner of the wall so hard that bits of plaster and insulation are falling to the floor in chunks. Virgil’s eyes flicker down to the floor so he doesn’t have to look at anyone, lip trembling. 

“You can put me down,” the kid whispers to Roman. Roman’s gut twists at the words.

He carefully moves Virgil so he can look at him. “Are you positive, little prince?” He prompts softly, heart seizing at the tear tracks he can see on Virgil’s cheeks. “I can take you back to the Light Side, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you if you come with me.”

Virgil’s twitching again, eyes trained on his own hands. “I can’t. This is my home. They’re my family.”

“Remember what I said? About how you don’t really know them?” Roman persists, halfway to outright pleading.  _ Please, for once in your life, just listen to me.  _ “There’s a reason they won’t tell you everything, little prince.  _ They  _ are hiding things.”

The small form in his arms somehow manages to become even smaller, curling up as much as possible given the position. “...I know,” Virgil finally answers, so quietly that Roman doubts the Dark Sides could even hear him from a few yards away; with the way Virgil’s shaking like a leaf, he doubts the kid wanted them to. Roman just wants nothing more than to wrap him up in a nice heated blanket and have a Disney marathon. 

“Then why not let me take you to the Light Side? I know you’re smart, V— I mean, Anxiety. You’re smart, and you’re brave. I know you can make the right choice.”

Virgil’s head jerks up, eyes blown wide with surprise yet again. “Y-You think I’m  _ brave _ ?” He stutters out. Another stab to Roman’s heart. Of course the kid had never been told nice things, not yet. Jesus. Poor little darling. 

“I know you’re brave,” He responds easily, a fond smile crossing his features. Adult Virgil would have mocked him for it, all in good fun for the most part. This one just...stares up at him like he’s hung the damn stars in the sky. 

He thinks for a shining moment that it’s changed Virgil’s mind, that he’ll realize Roman’s right and ask him to take them both home. But that doesn’t happen. Virgil repeats his request to be let down, and there’s just enough fear in his voice that it makes Roman obey without really thinking. He can’t hurt Virgil again. He  _ can’t.  _

Deceit breathes an audible sigh of relief, opening his arms as if for a hug. “Good, stormcloud, I’m very proud of you! Come here now, I can reheat your popcorn—”

“Not hungry,” Virgil interrupts, still refusing to look up from the floor. Standing here in the middle of the three of them, he looks smaller than ever. “I...I just wanna go to my room. Please.”

Deceit freezes in the doorway, his face flickering between distraught and irritated. Is he seriously irritated at Virgil right now? Roman is sorely tempted to just grab the kid and go, no matter how much he kicks and screams. 

But then Remus steps away from his spot, and Virgil gives him a weak, albeit grateful, smile before bolting past Deceit and, presumably, to his bedroom. Deceit watches him go with that same confusing mess of emotions, Remus watches Deceit with a weariness that Roman didn't think he was capable of, and Roman watches the two of them with suspicion. 

“I only let him go back because he asked me to, and  _ you  _ made him cry.” Roman’s voice is only half his normal volume, but in the dead silence of the hallway, it’s like he’s screaming. Both of them jolt and look at him, instantly settling into familiar anger. 

“Oh how  _ generous  _ of you—”

“Dee, shut up.”

Deceit’s mouth snaps shut. He looks over at the Duke in shock, but Remus isn’t even looking at him. Now that he’s thinking about it, Remus didn’t do anything that whole time. He didn’t make jokes. He didn’t randomly screech to derail the uncomfortable conversation. He didn’t even try to maim Roman, and he still isn’t now, with the child safely out of sight. No, even right now, he’s just...staring at Roman. It’s not even necessarily angry, despite the Duke’s clenched fists at his sides. Roman can’t tell  _ what  _ it is, but it’s not something he’s seen from Remus before. It’s...unnatural. 

“Just go, Roman,” Remus groans. “Shoo. Scram. Get out of my beautiful, flowing hair. Fuck off.”

Roman opens his mouth, but the words die in his throat. Remus isn’t acting like Remus, and Deceit isn’t acting like Deceit, and Roman finally made some progress with Virgil today but he also failed to rescue him. This is a trainwreck. All of this. And he’s done what he can for the little prince for right now, so what’s the point in staying? To pretend things are normal, bicker back and forth with Remus like nothing’s wrong? Yeah, right.

Remus, adding onto the weirdness, gives him a solemn nod. Roman doesn’t know what the everliving hell that’s supposed to mean, but he does know he’s reached his limit for today and he needs to leave before he loses his shit. Against his better judgement, Roman nods back, catching a flicker of surprise in Remus’ eyes before he sinks out. 

Oh, he can sink out now? Shit, how long was Deceit’s guard down enough that the barrier wasn’t up? Safely in his own living room, Roman grabs the closest pillow and screams into it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Roman lets himself fall onto the couch face-first, shoving his face into the pillow and hoping it kills him.

He doesn’t have the energy to reply when Pat comes around fussing over him, or to thank him when he fetches a blanket and drapes it over Roman. Roman would bet money on the fact that Logan's in the same spot he left him in, totally unaware of what's happening outside his room. He's just as sure of that as he's sure the grand mirror in his room is now sealed up. 

_ I'm sorry, Virgil. _


	18. ✨Character Development✨

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One wound heals, another one opens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mental breakdown you've all been waiting for! Enjoy, babes!~ 😘

_ “You can shapeshift?” Virgil asked, staring at him like he was a stranger. That would make sense if he hadn’t already shifted back to his own appearance. As it was, being looked at like that by one of his oldest friends...it oddly felt a bit like when Remus had stabbed him in the kidney a couple weeks ago.  _

_ “Yes,” he responded simply. Maybe he could divert his attention to an easier topic? “I learned how to a few months ago—“ Lie. “—I’m getting rather good at it, no? I believe we can all do it, though not with the ease that I—“ _

_ Virgil’s interruption was little more than a whisper, but the betrayal in his voice cut through the conversation just as sharply as it would’ve if he’d screamed. “Why.”  _

_ Janus pressed his mouth into a line, blankly returning Virgil’s accusatory gaze. “Why what, little spider?” He replied without missing a beat. “Why can we shapeshift? Well, I would assume it’s because we are figments of—“ _

_ “ _ **_Stop._ ** _ ” Virgil snapped. His voice…what had happened to his voice? It sounded deeper, reverberating in Janus’ skull like it was thirty people talking at once.  _ **_“Just….just st_ ** _ op it. Please.” As he spoke, all of Virgil’s impulsive anger drained from his small form, leaving him hunched over with his arms hugging himself. Janus stepped towards him, wanting to console his friend as he always had, but Virgil  _ flinched _. It took a long few moments for it to register in Janus’ mind.  _

_ For a while, Virgil’s ragged breathing was the only sound between them. _

_ “Why,” Virgil repeated, head hung low in defeat.  _

_ “I was just  _ protecting  _ you, little spider,” he tried to explain, reaching out for someone he felt was quickly slipping between his fingers. Virgil looked up at him, and Janus winced at the raw anger in those eyes. “Please, understand.” That  _ _ sounded dangerously close to pleading. “They would hurt you.” _

_ Virgil blinked at him for a few seconds like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Then he laughed, the same cold sort of laugh Remus liked using all the time. That, along with the sneer mangling Virgil’s features, was so unlike his dear stormcloud that Janus’ stomach twisted with unease.  _

**_“You’re a real piece of shit,”_ ** _ Virgil finally snickered, still sporting that awful, cruel smile. Indignant, Janus opened his mouth to volley back an insult, but his stormcloud sunk out before he could get a single word out.  _

_ Janus didn’t miss the smile slipping off the little spider’s face as he did so. Its absence made Virgil’s face so much more chilling than Janus thought possible, and he was suddenly grateful that he had only had to confront it for a split second.  _

* * *

Janus stands there for god knows how long, his gaze torn between the dark hallway where the cursed prince had just been standing, holding  _ his  _ precious little spider, and the doorway that Anxiety had disappeared into (after unsubtly avoiding Janus’ open arms like the plague. He hopelessly tries to convince himself his stormcloud hadn’t fled from  _ him _ , but the distinct lack of fear on Anxiety’s face when the prince held him is so terribly undeniable.)

He’s still just gaping at blank space like a fool, holding his arms out for someone who  _ ran away from him _ . The snake hurriedly straightens up and crosses his arms behind his back, trying to bring his mind back to some semblance of functionality. 

Yet all it can think about is the child three rooms away, behind a closed door. He stayed this time. He chose them. Janus should be thrilled over this. He should be celebrating a victory with Remus right now.

But...Janus feels empty. Gutted. Guilty? No, not that, he has nothing to feel guilt for...

Remus is suddenly right in front of him, and Janus unwillingly flinches back a few steps at the homicidal look in the duke’s eyes. “You need to stop,” Remus growls, yes,  _ growls _ . Like an angry dog. The man’s truly more animal than human at times. 

Janus’ throat closes up, so he has to force himself to reply. When he does, his voice still comes out strangled, much to his chagrin. “Stop w-what, exactly?”

And again, Remus somehow manages to move so quickly that Janus doesn’t realize he’s being grabbed until he’s pushed up against the wall with one of Remus’ arms planted across his chest. Remus is standing casually, even though Janus can feel the force he’s putting behind the loose hold. Janus is pinned. He could fight— it’s not as if he’s defenseless, not even against an angry Remus— but he won’t. They both know that. 

They both know why.

Dear lord, he’d done it again just now, hadn’t he? Telling himself he's done nothing wrong. Lies, lies, lies. Can’t even be honest for two seconds, and look where that’s gotten him. He’s already made an enemy of himself to Anxiety.  _ Twice.  _ How does someone even mess up this terribly this quickly?  _ I don’t think we’ll be getting a ‘World’s #1 Dad’ mug this year,  _ a mostly-delirious voice laughs, the sound echoing in his skull. 

“Dee.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Janus chokes out. Or at least, he’s fairly certain it’s him that’s talking. He can’t feel the words on his tongue, but Remus’ face is still as a statue, so it can’t be the duke that’s sounding so pathetic. “I don’t—I can’t—”

“Hey, stop that,” Remus grumbles, taking his weight off Janus’ chest. Janus startles at the cold touch on his human cheek, and is even more startled when Remus’ hand comes away wet with tears. (How does he keep crying without realizing? Perhaps he should see someone about that?)

Janus wants to shove him away, make a snide comment, brush this whole thing off and act like nothing just happened. He wants to  _ be happy with them _ , is that truly so much to ask for? Even if it would be living a lie? What’s so terrible about a lie that hurts nobody?

Anxiety was hurt. The little stormcloud’s face...his voice. That...that was  _ hurt.  _

_ Just like old times, huh? _

Air catches in his lungs. He’d...he’d  _ hurt  _ him. Anxiety. Virgil. His little spider. 

_ No, no, no, we’re doing  _ better  _ this time! We’re being good! _

He refuses to look up at Remus’ face, but he's keenly aware of his disappointment nonetheless.  _ No, I’m not any better than last time,  _ he admits to himself miserably.  _ We’re screwing this up all over again. In the same exact way, too.  _

Mismatched eyes snap shut, squeezed tight as if that can blind him from the truth. Another cold hand rests on his face. He focuses solely on breathing evenly, uniformly, calmly. 

“I’ve ruined it.” With his eyes closed, Janus can’t say for sure which one of them says it. 

Remus replies, though, so it must’ve been himself. “No, you haven’t.”

Janus looks up, meeting Remus’ eyes with a bitter smirk. “How on earth is this not  _ ruined _ ? He hates me, even more than last time. That really wasn’t the goal.”

“Shut up with the pity party and  _ listen, _ ” Remus snaps. The hands on Janus’ face tighten, holding his head in place so he can’t look away. Janus makes no attempt to. “This isn’t  _ ruined _ , you big fucking drama queen. You fucked up, yeah. You fucked up big time. And the kid’s got some trust issues now ‘cause of you, which, no, totally Not Okay, but it’s not the end of the damn world either.”

Janus doesn’t respond. As the sheer panic and raw hurt fade out of his veins, he finds his mind drifting away from his body, only just barely held to the present by a thread. Anxiety’s face plays across his eyes, like a slideshow— the first time around, when he’d been a trusting child, and then again as he got older and stopped looking at them with fondness; and the impossibly more painful second time around, that deep-rooted wound visible behind innocent eyes. 

“Do you  _ want  _ Vee to think you don’t love him?”

Now  _ that  _ kicks Janus out of his reverie. He almost forgets to be sad, so insulted is he at such an offensive accusation. “Of course not!” He hisses, finally using some of his own strength to shove Remus away from him. “How dare you! I adore him—”

“Yeah,  _ I  _ know that!” Remus throws his hands up in exasperation. “But  _ he _ doesn’t _ ,  _ dumbshit!” 

Panic makes its vindictive return. His heart may just give up under all this stress. “W-What are you  _ talking  _ about? He knows that. Of course he knows that.”

“Nah, see, he doesn’t. ‘Cause you keep hiding shit from him, and that tends ta’ make a kid upset. Like, real upset. And then they don’t trust you anymore, and if a kid doesn’t trust their family,  _ that  _ causes a hell of a lot of shit to go down.”

Janus blinks, just now realizing he’s been making eye contact. His attention is so unfocused that he can’t even properly see Remus, who’s a foot in front of him, towering over him so much that he’s literally blocking the light. “That…” he tries, voice cracking. The words slowly sink in; his mind doesn’t want to recognize them, trying its hardest to reject the notions, but in the end they hold too much weight to be foregone. “Does he truly?” His voice is even weaker, small and crackly in a way he would never allow if he was of sound mind. “Not know, I mean. Does...do  _ I  _ have such a horrible effect on him?”

It makes sense, doesn’t it? Of course it was him all along, monster in disguise. So disguised that he didn’t realize it was himself either, continued hurting them. Of course. That is why Virgil left the first time. That’s why he’ll inevitably leave again this time around. 

It’s him. It’s always been  _ him.  _ He drove Virgil away. 

_ How long was it before he stopped trusting me? A month? Three? How long did it take his _ — _ no, not his. Virgil would’ve hated that, just like he hated him _ — _ the spider to figure out he’d gotten stuck with the dirty, rotten, irredeemable  _ **_liar_ ** _? _ ****

An “I’m sorry” spills out of his filthy mouth before Remus can even respond. He doesn’t need him to. The answers are so painfully obvious. “I...I don’t know what to do. You’re right. I...should I just leave? I don’t know where I’d even go, but—”

“What?” Remus grabs his face again, fingers digging into Deceit’s skin when he tries to shake him off. There’ll almost certainly be faint bruising on the human half tomorrow. He can’t bring himself to care. “The hell are you talking about? You’re not goin’ anywhere, Jan.”

“It would be best,” Deceit mumbles, still pushing Remus away in vain. “I’m...I’m the reason he keeps leaving. If I go, then maybe...he’ll stay. Be happy. Safe. He won’t feel like he has to...run away to  _ them. _ Like he has to...hide himself.”

Remus’ hold gets imperceptibly more harsh for a split second, and then the silence between them is cut by sharp, screechy laughter. “Holy shit, you two could be Teen Angst Tournament semi-finalists, at the very least! Why are both of you so goddamn  _ dramatic?  _ And that’s coming from  _ me!  _ I mean, it’s funny, but you have no idea how often I get _thiiiiiiis_ close to punching you in the face.” 

Confused and just a bit irritated at the teasing, Deceit narrows his eyes at the other. “I don’t see what’s dramatic. I’m trying to come up with a solution to a problem.”

“I can’t believe  _ I  _ have to be the smart one right now. You _so_ owe me for this.” Remus outright rolls his eyes at him, ignoring Deceit’s angry sputtering. “Just go talk to him, Jesus fucking Christ. Why is that the  last  thing you guys think of? Every damn time.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Deceit spits back immediately. Self-hatred practically drips from his voice, but he doesn’t care what he sounds like right now, and Remus has seen the worst of it by now anyways. 

“Yeah, he does. He’s eight.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“ _ Because _ ,” Remus drawls, dragging the word out like he’s talking to a child. Deceit’s hackles rise, confusion sharpening into a sneer. “Last time was the culmination of a  _ lifetime  _ of your mind games. You did your bullshit, he was hurt by it, you never apologized or stopped, he finally snapped. Boom. Cue the dramatic flashback of our grand ol’ falling out.”

Deceit blinks at him. Regardless of how sour those truths are, he doesn’t understand the relevance. 

“Dude. He’s eight. This is like, the only time you’ve screwed up as far as he’s aware. Just go fuckin’ apologize, and  fix it,  and  _ stop fucking doing the thing he hates, _ and everything will be fucking dandy!”

“...If that’s truly how unsophisticated your vocabulary is after all these years, then I sincerely apologize for failing you.”

Remus genuinely looks one second away from murdering him, so Deceit raises his hands in surrender and backs up.

“Sorry, nervous habit,” he placates, adopting a vaguely embarrassed affect. Remus settles down, allowing him to continue speaking without threat of imminent dismemberment. “If you are sure, I will...try to talk to him. I...I want to be better. For him. I can’t promise I’ll spill my guts or anything, but I’ll try to clear things up for him. Reassure him that I  _ do  _ love him.”

Capricious as always, Remus perks up. Just like that, there’s not a single trace of anger remaining. “Now that’s the sappy garbage I was looking for!” He cheers, bouncing on his tiptoes and grinning ear to ear. “I’m a hundo percent sure, absolutely totally positive, I’d bet my—”

“Okay, yes, I get the point,” Janus interjects, only a _little_ amused. “I don’t have the confidence that you do, but I’ll go try my hand at it. Fingers crossed.”

“...Wait, d’you mean that in a ‘good luck’ way, or a ‘scout’s dishonor’ way?”

Janus smiles and walks away, letting the nasally sound of Remus’ whining follow him like a loyal puppy at his heels. Annoying as it is, it’s also soothing in its familiarity; he really needs familiarity right now. The new revelation is only barely processed in his brain and it’s already tearing him up inside. 

He focuses on breathing. This isn’t about him.

Janus approaches the door with uncharacteristic trepidation. Though he instinctively reaches a hand out to turn the doorknob, he finds himself freezing in the middle of the action. It's with great horror that he realizes his hand is trembling, and he quickly clenches it into a fist. He’s supposed to be better than this. This is...insecure.  _ Weak.  _

A muffled sniffle hits him from the other side of the door. Deceit crumbles. He has no right to be scolding himself for indignity when he has much greater sins to atone for; in fact, in the face of what he’s done, he’s not sure dignity is really all that important in the grand scheme of things. 

It’s certainly not more important than basic  _ decency.  _ Unforgivable, really, that it’s taken  _ this  _ to make him realize something so obvious. 

Another small noise behind the door, and Deceit knocks on the door without thinking. Thank god his subconscious chose to knock instead of bursting into Anxiety’s room. That is yet another thing he’ll have to fix. Another thing Virgil so clearly despised about him. The list he’s quickly making in his head is already at least three pages long, but he isn’t letting himself think about that. So long as he  _ sees  _ what he did wrong, and  _ fixes  _ that behaviour, everything will be  _ just fine.  _ Remus said so.

_ ‘Remus said so’? Since when is  _ **_that_ ** _ where the bar is? _

Janus nearly winces as it occurs to him that he used this exact weakness against Logic only a few days ago; to his surprise, he actually feels  _ bad  _ about that now. Is he feeling empathy? Strange. 

“Wha’ d’you want?” Anxiety’s voice calls out, so very small and so very  _ sad _ . It breaks Janus’ heart. Still, he refuses to open the door without permission.  _ Be better.  _

“Anxiety, it’s me.” His voice is even now. Calm. Good— god forbid he brings the dear little spider into his own emotional maelstrom. “I...need to apologize, first and foremost. You don’t need to accept the apology, dear. But I truly am sorry that I...have hurt you so terribly. I didn’t realize it was having such an effect on you, and that ignorance is inexcusable. I’m assuming the lying is the main issue, but I am sure there are many other things I need to work on as well, and I promise I’m trying my best to figure all of them out. I promise I will try to be better. For you.” 

Aside from more quiet sniffling, there’s no reply. Janus tries not to let that crush him too badly. (It’s not as if silence from Virgil is anything new to him, after all. But that’s why it’s so painful, isn’t it?)

“Well,” he continues, clearing his throat a bit.  _ Keep it even.  _ “If you want me to talk, I will gladly sit down and answer your questions. Some....some things are difficult for me to talk about. That may always be the case. But I promise I will not lie to you. I...understand if you don’t trust me. I’ll do my best to earn that back one day.”

There’s a small shuffling noise behind the door, like Anxiety’s moving around. Janus gets his hopes up for a moment, but it quickly becomes evident that the poor kid is only moving to the door because he feels obligated to. He can hear his little feet dragging against the floor; it was a childish habit that stuck with Virgil even in adulthood, Janus recalls fondly.

“You don’t need to open the door or invite me in,” he soothes. The footsteps instantly freeze. “I just wanted you to hear my apology, and hopefully sense the sincerity behind it.”

“Thanks,” Anxiety’s tiny voice pipes up. It's muffled, as if he's hiding his face in a pillow, which creates a rather adorable mental image. It’s the sweetest sound he thinks he’s ever heard. 

“Of course. I’ll go now, alright? I’ll be in my room, so you know where I am.” Janus starts to move away, but his heart tugs him back into his place in front of the door. Everything today has been such a whirlwind of unfortunate events that Janus hasn’t had the time to actually sort through what’s happened; this is to say, when he remembers Remus’ blunt words with sudden clarity, it hits him just as hard as it did the first time. He can’t leave before he says it. “I love you, little spider,” he murmurs, making sure all the affection he has in his heart for that brat is in his voice. If nothing else, he  _ needs  _ Anxiety to believe this one thing. “I love you dearly.”

A sharp intake of breath has Janus alarmed; a mere moment later it’s followed by a soft laugh that makes all the tension in the liar’s body slip away. “Love you too, Dee,” Anxiety replies. Even though the voice is still too small, too shaky, Janus can also detect notes of placidity and amusement in it now. It’s enough to make him nearly collapse against the door in sheer relief. 

Belatedly, he realizes just standing in front of Anxiety’s door after saying goodbye is the exact sort of thing he’s supposed to stop doing. He makes a conscious effort to walk to his own room as quietly as he can, which is successful, but when he closes the door behind him it slams a bit harder than he had meant it to. Honestly (ha), it’s hard to feel his body at the moment. So he can’t be blamed, really. 

He hears Remus moving around, presumably going to Anxiety’s room, and he simply can’t bring himself to feel jealous. He’s just grateful that there’s someone Anxiety still trusts to take care of him. 

Having promised Anxiety he would be here if he was needed (unlikely as that possibility is), he could do nothing now but sit around and try not to become too consumed by his own thoughts. 

He wonders if he has any more wine stashed away in here. 

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments or kudos is appreciated :)


End file.
